00:01
In this lecture, you'll learn about body
language.
00:03
You'll learn how the brain processes, the
different visual cues that other people send
and that you send.
00:08
You'll learn how to deliberately send the
right signals at the right time, and you'll
learn how to interpret the body language
signals that other people are sending.
00:17
And you learn about what to do next.
00:21
Let's start off by talking about visual
communication.
00:25
There is a difference between body language
and visual communication.
00:29
Everything communicates something.
00:32
Body language is specifically the way we
move our bodies.
00:35
But when we sit and place things around us,
that communicates something.
00:40
The objects in our environment that
communicates something.
00:43
Everything communicates something.
00:45
And although my specialty is the words and I
focus on the words, and that's mostly what
we're learning about in these lectures, body
language tends to be over half the message
that we send when we are communicating face
to face.
00:56
And no matter what situation in which we're
communicating, the words tend to be the
smallest part of the message.
01:03
So let's take a look at the picture that you
see in front of you.
01:06
And just quickly ask yourself a few
questions while you look at that picture.
01:11
Ask yourself, for example, who appears to be
comfortable, who appears to
belong there and feel as though they belong
there, who appears to be actively listening?
Who do you think the guests are?
Who do you think invited those guests?
Who appears to be enjoying that experience?
When you take a look at that picture, most
of us don't consciously decide those
questions that I just asked you.
01:36
But subconsciously we do.
01:38
They are communicating something and we are
interpreting that communication all the
time, every day in every situation.
01:45
So let's talk more about that.
01:48
We're going to talk about some specific cues
that people send and not only
how to interpret them, but how our brain
interprets them.
01:58
You'll notice in this picture, for example,
there's a man scratching his head and looking
up. I don't need to explain to you what he's
thinking or what's going through his head
right now. You know, he's thinking about
something and he's not really clear.
02:10
He doesn't understand.
02:13
How do I know that?
And how did you know that the moment you
looked at that picture, I didn't need to
explain to you what was going on.
02:20
How did you know that?
Did you consciously decide it or
subconsciously decide it?
Let's talk about how the brain interprets
body language from the moment we are
born. Our brain is hardwired to correctly
interpret body language cues.
02:35
For example.
02:37
If from the moment you were born, you never
saw a human being, let's say you were raised
by wolves. And at 20 years old, you finally
reconnected with
society and started seeing your very first
human beings.
02:49
No one would need to train you or teach you
what the body language signals that they
send mean. This is probably because human
beings evolved, not
communicating through language patterns, but
communicating visually.
03:02
You know, when one human being saw another
human being on a continent that they both
happened to be passing by.
03:08
Chances are they did not speak the same
language.
03:10
So we learned how to communicate visually.
03:13
And when you're born, the brain is already
hardwired to interpret the signals
that other people send.
03:19
And you're already hardwired to send certain
signals subconsciously and to
improve efficiency so that we don't have to
stop and think, Is this person
safe? Are they assaulting me?
Is there danger here?
What's going on so that we don't have to
stop and think about all of those things,
which would take too long?
Our brain almost instantly interprets body
language signals and does it correctly.
03:43
The challenge that a lot of us face is our
subconscious does interpret
things almost instantaneously and
accurately.
03:51
The problem is that our conscious mind comes
along and you know what it's like when you
see somebody or you meet somebody and you
might not have a good feeling about them, but
you think to yourself, Hmm, I'm going to
give them a chance.
04:03
So you give them a chance, whether it's in
your personal life or your professional life.
04:08
Many times we think to ourselves, No, I
don't want to prejudge them.
04:13
I'm going to give them a chance.
04:14
And then at the end you find out you are
right on target at the beginning and you
think, Why didn't I just listen to my
instincts?
Our instincts are generally much more
accurate when they make judgments as opposed
to our conscious mind, because our
subconscious mind has been programmed to make
correct judgments from the day we were born.
04:34
So let's talk about what we can do.
04:36
When we are interpreting and sending body
language signals.
04:41
We tend to correctly send body language
signals, but we tend to go through
an unlearning process.
04:48
When we talk about communication skills, for
example, many of the things that we're
talking about are not things that we're
trying to learn.
04:56
There are things that we're trying to
unlearn. For example, we learn to control
ourselves, right? You probably learned to
control yourself.
05:01
You have probably learned to stop and give
people a chance.
05:04
You probably learned to be more conscious of
your body language and the signals that you
send. One of the things we have to do is
stop controlling that and
start letting nature take its course.
05:15
Start trusting your instincts, and start
freeing yourself when you're sending body
language signals, except for the times when
you want to be very deliberate in your
communication. If we're deliberate in the
body language signals that we
send, for example, we're going to be talking
about when I want to convince somebody, when
I want to punctuate a message visually, how
can I send deliberate
signals and then how can I make it look
natural?
Because the subconscious mind, again, when
we're watching somebody and interpreting
their cues, we know whether they're doing it
deliberately or whether it's natural.
05:50
How can I incorporate body language signals
into my everyday communication but make it
look natural? Practice them.
05:57
Because when you practice communicating
deliberately, it becomes natural.
06:02
For example, you've probably seen people use
what we're going to talk about now, the
steeple, and you've seen people use it in a
very unnatural way, and you've seen people
use it in a very natural way.
06:12
Let's talk about the steeple, what it is,
how it works, and how you can use it.
06:17
The steeple is a body language signal that
you can send.
06:21
And by the way, some people call them body
language tells.
06:25
But a tell tends to be something that you
are interpreting.
06:28
A signal tends to be something that you
send.
06:31
The steeple is a signal that you can send,
or it's a tell that people tend to
send when they're punctuating a message.
06:39
What that means is, let's say that you are
going into an interview or you're giving a
presentation, and if people forget
everything that you say, you
have one thing that you want them to
remember.
06:51
You want to incorporate the steeple, and
people are going to be statistically more
likely to remember what it is that you say
when you use the steeple and here's how you
do it. By the way, this is a great tactic
that you can use if you're
sitting and you're uncomfortable with your
arms.
07:07
You know, many people will tell me, Dan,
what do I do with my hands?
What do I do with my arms?
In an interview or in a meeting, I feel
uncomfortable.
07:15
You can always plant your elbows on the arms
of a chair.
07:18
If you're sitting in a chair or if you're at
a table.
07:21
Don't be afraid to put your elbows on the
table, put your elbows on the
table and lace your fingers together.
07:28
And that's always going to be a
professional, powerful position.
07:32
Again, if you're in a chair, it's going to
be the same and it's a position that you can
take. Where you have good posture and you're
sending the message that you are
alert, you are engaged, you're professional,
and you're there to do business.
07:45
Then once it comes time to punctuate the
message, you know, you've planned
in advance. All right.
07:51
If they forget everything else about what
I'm going to say, I want them to remember at
this point. For example, if you're in a job
interview and they ask you,
so tell me what's something unique that you
think you can bring to this organization that
others may not? And you want to say, well,
I'll bring my communication skills and I'll
teach them to others. If you, as you say
that, put your fingers in a steeple
position. And then when you're really at the
point you want to punctuate you,
tilt it forward.
08:20
People are going to be more likely to
remember what you say.
08:23
Here's an example. If somebody were to ask
me, Dan, what do you bring to this
department? I might say, Well.
08:29
I study a lot about communication skills,
and it's something that I'm constantly trying
to improve. And if I were to be chosen as
the manager for this department, it's
something that only that I would bring to
this position, but it's something that I
would share with the entire team.
08:43
And if you do that, as you say something,
people are more likely to remember it.
08:47
Now you'll notice that politicians, for
example, when they're giving speeches or when
they're debating, you'll notice that it's
something that many of them have just
learned. And so they'll get up on stage and
they'll do this the whole time.
08:59
And you don't want to use the steeple more
than three times in any
interaction, because then it starts to
become noticeable.
09:06
But it's not noticeable when you just use it
once because it is something that human
beings naturally do when they punctuate a
message.
09:13
If you deliberately do it more, you'll
notice how people will remember the parts
that you punctuated by delivering the
steeple.
09:20
Now, let's say that you want to convince
somebody
that the message that you're sending is not
based on your feelings.
09:29
It's not something that you just dreamt up,
but it's something that is based on facts and
figures. For example, let's say that you're
giving a presentation to a boardroom
and you're trying to convince them to go
along with your solution to some challenge
that you've been dealing with.
09:44
You believe that, for example, you should
color code all of the files in the accounting
department. How do you convince somebody
that your solution to the
problem is the best solution?
And it's not something that you just dreamed
up, but it's something that's based on facts
and figures. And, you know, because of the
research you've done that it will work for
them. How do you convince somebody of that
using a simple body language signal?
Pass the books. Put your hands together like
this, as if you're holding an invisible stack
of books and trying to prevent them from
falling to the ground.
10:18
But at chest height where your breastbone
is.
10:21
And then pass the books forward as if you're
handing them to someone else who's standing
in front of you. That gesture of passing the
books is going to trigger
something in the mind of the person who is
listening to you or watching you and will
make them believe more likely than not.
10:37
Hmm. What they're saying is based on
research and facts and figures, they're not
just making this up. Again, this seems like
something that might be
uncomfortable if it's new for you.
10:48
It might be something that you have to do
deliberately, because somehow during our
unlearning process, you've stopped passing
the books.
10:55
But you'll notice that savvy communicators
who are trained, polished communicators when
they're sending a message to a group, for
example, and they want people to believe this
is the solution for you.
11:05
I am the politician for you.
11:07
This is the solution for our country.
11:09
They tend to do that a lot.
11:11
Again, if you monitor your usage of tactics
such as the ones we're describing
now and keep them to maximum three times per
interaction,
they tend not to be noticeable.
11:23
And then what will happen is they become
natural because there are things that you
reincorporate into your communications
style.
11:29
I mean, many of us have been taught and
trained to kind of
depersonalize our communication.
11:36
And so we're so subconscious of our hands
and our body language and our posture and our
voice and our tone. We have really unlearned
how to communicate naturally through
body language. If you start incorporating
these things back into your style, they will
become natural, like catching the baby.
11:51
And I'd like you to think about the body
language that you would deliver if someone
were to right now say, Do you know anything
more about this situation
and you wanted to convince them, no, I don't
know anything about it.
12:03
I'm telling you everything that I know.
12:04
What would you do with your hands if you
were telling the truth and you were saying to
somebody, That's everything I know.
12:10
I'm holding nothing back.
12:11
I'm telling you everything.
12:13
That's right. We naturally, when we are
revealing everything, reveal the palms of our
hands. Hands or palms facing upwards in any
situation
really are going to convey a message.
12:25
I'm holding nothing back.
12:26
I'm giving it all to you.
12:28
This is the truth, which is why you see in
so many pictures or depictions of
different religious idols, they will be
showing the palms of their hands because they
want you in that whoever did the drawing of
it wants you to believe this is the truth.
12:42
And so in a situation where someone's asking
you, is there anything more that you know?
Are you telling me everything and you want
them to believe that's it.
12:49
Watch how in police shows where the people
are arrested and you know that they're
guilty. They'll say things such as, no, I'm
telling you everything I know.
12:57
That's it. I'm not holding anything back,
really.
12:59
I don't know anything.
13:00
And their hands are clearly saying I am
holding on to dear life, to some information
that I don't want to reveal to you.
13:07
So if you want people to more quickly
realize, because I'm assuming that you're
telling the truth when you want people to
quickly realize, okay, that's everything
you're holding nothing back end of story,
naturally, that's what we do
when we are revealing everything.
13:22
That's what we do when we're not.
13:24
So if you start to again more deliberately
use your hands when you're in different
situations, if you're on a date, for
example, and you want the person with whom
you're on the date to believe that you are
an open person and you're revealing things
about yourself, you're making a personal,
emotional connection.
13:38
Show the palms of your hands as much as you
can, and that helps do that.
13:42
And while we're talking about tells cues and
signals, let's talk about the difference
between the three of those words.
13:48
A tell is a body language signal that
somebody's sending, but the
reason we call it a tell is because you're
interpreting it and you're
determining what it means.
13:59
It's telling you something.
14:02
A cue is a body language signal that people
send that then tells you to
do something. Like in the old movies, people
would hold up cue cards because
those cue cards tell the people in the
movies what they're supposed to say next.
14:16
And so if somebody sends a cue, it's not
just a signal for you to interpret
and then understand more.
14:23
It means it's a cue that you should now do
something differently.
14:27
You should take what you're seeing and do
something with it.
14:30
And a signal is something that you will send
that other people send that is
signaling the way you're feeling on the
inside.
14:37
So remember, tells are things that reveal or
tell how the person is
feeling. A cue is something telling you to
do something next and the
signal can be a cue.
14:49
It can be a tell. It's something that is
revealing what someone's thinking.
14:53
For example, a cue.
14:54
We talked in another lesson about how the
eyes reveal what part of the
brain we're currently searching or what part
of the brain we are in.
15:03
If you are asking somebody a deliberate
question, a specific question, such as
where were you? Yesterday at seven or what
do you know about this situation?
And they look up to the left.
15:14
Do you remember what that tends to signal?
It tends to signal that they're accessing
the left hand side of the brain where things
such as information and memory live.
15:25
And what if they look up to the right?
What does that tend to signal?
It tends to signal that they're accessing
the creative side of the brain where they're
making up something or where they're
inventing something.
15:36
A good story for you.
15:38
So if we know that, what do we do with that
information?
By the way, remember that if somebody looks
up to the left, left side is
logic and memory and numbers, but up to the
left tends to
signal that they are accessing their visual
memory.
15:56
They're thinking about what something looked
like.
15:58
So if you were to say, for example, what's
your phone number at work?
And the person that you ask the question to
looks up to the left, it tends to signal they
are a visual person remembering what their
phone number looks like as they write it or
dial it. If they look over to the left, they
tend to be thinking about what it sounds
like five, eight, eight, two, 300.
16:17
Or if they look down to the left, that tends
to signal they're remembering what
something felt like.
16:23
For example, if you were to ask somebody,
how was lunch yesterday?
And they were to do that, they're going to
remember how they felt during lunch.
16:30
So the eyes really tell you a lot about
where somebody is, what they're thinking,
how they're feeling.
16:36
And if you can take that message and you
interpret it and understand it, that tends to
be using it as a tell.
16:43
But many times we want to use that
information as a cue.
16:47
Meaning if you ask somebody a question such
as, do you know anything about what happened
yesterday? And they say.
16:54
I don't even know what you're talking about.
16:56
You know that they are thinking, oh, I don't
want to tell them about that.
17:00
So they're creating an answer for you.
17:02
And then if you think, okay, I want more
information, I know that they're not telling
me the truth. Now what do I do?
What you can do is ask deliberate
information, gathering questions.
17:13
You can ask questions in a strategic way
when you know somebody is trying to avoid
telling you the truth. And you know this
because of the tells.
17:21
Those should also be for you if you're the
information gatherer.
17:24
Cuz if somebody, for example, scratches his
or her neck, you know, if you're giving a
training session or you're talking to a
customer and they start to scratch their
neck as you're talking to them.
17:35
Most of us, if I ask you right now, what
does that mean?
What does it mean? You're talking to me and
I do this.
17:42
It means I'm not understanding what you're
saying.
17:44
Right. There's something that's not clear.
17:47
That should not be the end of the
interpretation.
17:50
For example, the next scratch.
17:52
That's a Q but most people don't know what
to do with that.
17:56
Q What you should do is clarify the message,
right?
If you realize that the person with whom
you're communicating is not understanding
things. For example, if you're a teacher,
you know, as you watch children take
exams, the ones who start to scratch their
head as they're taking an exam, they're not
understanding what the question means or
they're not remembering what the answer
is. So if you're facilitating communication
and someone does that, take
action and clarify the message.
18:24
However, remember to always keep your danger
phrase and power phrase list out, especially
during these lessons. Because what does the
average communicator say when they
deliver a message and they want to ensure
that the person to whom they delivered that
message understood the message?
What's the phrase that people use a lot?
And it's usually in the top ten phrases that
people tell me are
aggravating, annoying phrases that their
bosses use when they are in that
situation. And want to clarify something,
what phrase is it that tends to aggravate you
when people ask you for clarification?
Or if what they're saying is clear, what's
the phrase?
Does that make sense?
Remember, when we say to somebody, if we're
looking for clarification, if we say to
somebody, does that make sense?
What that tends to say to the person is,
does that make sense to you?
Or Are you stupid?
And nobody wants to say, No, that doesn't
make sense because it makes the average
person feel as though they're going to look
stupid if they say, I don't get it.
19:28
So that's up to us as savvy communicators to
purge that phrase, put it on your danger
phrase list, and instead, when you're
looking for clarification or when you're
looking to clarify and you want to know, are
you understanding what I'm saying?
Do not make it about the other person or
talk about them at all.
19:43
Instead, say something along the lines of I
believe there's something I'm leaving
out or There's something I'm leaving
unclear.
19:49
Can you tell me what it is?
And when you say something more along those
lines, not do you understand or does that
make sense? But instead, what am I leaving
out?
People tend to tell you.
20:00
Like if you say, I know there's something
I'm leaving unclear.
20:03
Can you tell me what it is?
Watch how people will stop and think and
then they'll tell you what they believe.
20:09
You are leaving unclear or what is unclear
to them, because while people don't like to
admit what they don't understand, they do
like to tell you what you're doing wrong.
20:17
And that tends to be what people are doing
when they are saying, yeah, what you left
unclear is XYZ, so make it about you.
20:25
And in general, we're always making
challenging situations about us.
20:30
So let's talk about one more body language
signal what people do with their arms and
legs. If you're communicating with me, we're
standing up and I start to do
that. It's obvious what it signals, right?
It signals that I'm starting to close down.
20:45
I'm done talking, not comfortable.
20:47
Want out of this conversation.
20:49
Right. However many of us and especially
women.
20:53
So if you are a woman, be specifically aware
of crossing your arms because women
tend to cross their arms more often when
they are simply cold.
21:01
But men tend not to be cold as often as
women, so we tend to cross our arms a little
bit less, but we tend to cross our arms for
many reasons.
21:09
We could do it because it's more comfortable.
21:11
We're in a chair where there's no armrests
and it's been it's been a while.
21:14
We could do it because we're cold.
21:16
There are many reasons why people cross
their arms.
21:19
But if you are in a more sensitive
communication situation where you think,
okay, I have to turn it on, so to speak,
most people don't really know
how to turn it on, even when they recognize
a situation as one that really
requires us to turn on all of our skills.
21:35
However, now that we have talked about cues,
signals tells you
will be more likely the next time you find
yourself in a situation in which you need to
project the image of an active listener, you
will find yourself doing things more
deliberately to project that image, and we
will be talking about active listening in
these lectures. However, remember that the
basic principle of active listening
is that you act like you're listening.
22:01
The word active.
22:03
Active listening has the word act at the
beginning of it.
22:06
You want to act like you're listening.
22:07
And when you do that, remember that it is
much more
effective and it's easier and it's quicker
to act yourself into a new way of
thinking than to think yourself into a new
way of acting.
22:20
For example, if you simply think to yourself
as you're listening to somebody, I'm supposed
to listen, got to listen, got to pay
attention, got to listen, got to listen.
22:29
A gallon of milk, loaf of bread, stop by the
cleaners.
22:31
Gotta listen? Gotta listen because that's
difficult to think yourself into acting like
a listener. When you know how to act, you'll
be more likely to do that.
22:41
You'll be more likely to act like a
listener.
22:43
And speaking of signals and tells that show
or that you can interpret when you're
trying to determine if someone is engaged or
when someone's determining if you are
engaged. The arms are something that many of
us are used to seeing.
22:55
So it's clear if somebody does this, they're
clearly not engaged or don't want to be
engaged, somebody does this.
23:01
It's clearly signaling that they're open and
ready to receive the message.
23:05
But what about the feet?
Most of us are not accustomed to looking at
people's feet as we're talking to them.
23:12
The next time you're in an environment where
you can see people's feet and they're in a
social interaction, for example, if you go
to some place where couples meet and greet,
start looking at people's feet because where
our feet point
is a tell and you can use that as a cue when
somebody's feet are pointed
towards you as you're communicating with
them, they tend to be telling you, I'm
engaged with you and this is where I want to
be.
23:38
When someone's feet are pointed towards the
door, that tends to tell you
that's where I'd like to be going.
23:44
So if you want to know, is this person
really engaged and
deliberately here because they want to be
here with me, or do they want to go
look at their feet? That tends to tell you
the answer.
23:56
And when you know how to interpret, tells
and what to do next,
you will be miles ahead of the average
communicator who, although they might be able
to instinctively interpret body language
signals, most people don't know what to do
with that information, and most people don't
know specifically what the signals are
that they can send to punctuate and
reinforce their message.
24:19
But remember, we talked about how visual
communication is not simply body language.
24:24
It could be what we call haptics.
24:26
Haptics is communication through touch.
24:30
Remember that human beings naturally
communicate through touching.
24:33
It's something we all do and then unlearn,
right?
I mean, we do not have to learn to touch
people that we care about.
24:41
We don't have to learn when somebody is
emotionally out of control because
something tragic happened.
24:47
We don't need to learn to touch them because
that comforts them.
24:50
We don't need to learn when a baby cries to
touch them, something that's natural.
24:54
But we've all learned don't touch people at
work.
24:57
Right. But remember, this is a new age.
25:00
And although for human resources purposes,
I'm not telling you to go around touching
people at work. However, if you incorporate
tactics as part of your
communication strategy, you will be able to
more effectively and quickly bond with
people, form effective teams, and create the
personal, emotional connection that so many
people are struggling to make.
25:21
There are still three legal areas where you
can get away with touching people.
25:25
You can touch people on the shoulder
generally.
25:28
You can tap them on the back of the arm or
you can touch them on the elbow.
25:32
What I mean when I say those are three safe
zones or legal areas is generally speaking,
if what you do is simply tap somebody there
or there or there, if they decide to
cause a problem for you because you were
touching them, those three areas tend to be
safe zones and you're not going to get in
trouble.
25:49
Now, unfortunately, some people worry about
that too much, no they worry, Oh, I can't
touch people at work.
25:54
Yes, you can. In fact, if you have ever been
to a team building seminar or a team building
workshop, it tends to be during those
workshops.
26:02
They teach people by having them fall into
one another.
26:05
They use activities that require people to
touch one another.
26:09
Whether you're falling back into your
friends and they catch you or you're playing
tug of war with the rope, and there's teams
that are touching one another as they fall
over or struggle to pull the rope.
26:18
Why do team building exercises almost always
involve
touching your teammates?
Because when you touch somebody, you create
a bond with them.
26:29
Touching somebody releases things such as
endorphins, oxytocin, serotonin and
dopamine in the brain of not just the person
that you're touching, but in your brain as
well. There is a chemical reaction that
occurs when you touch.
26:40
It's something that they use to explain why
when a mother, for example, starts to
breastfeed her baby for the first time,
there's an overwhelming sense of bonding that
goes on during that process.
26:51
And people will tell you if they are new, if
they are a new mother, they will tell you
things such as, I never knew I could feel
this way.
26:57
It happened so quickly.
26:58
I was worried about bonding and it happened.
27:01
What happens is during the bonding process,
the brain releases
a great amount of those chemicals.
27:08
And what's interesting is it doesn't happen
anyplace else in nature.
27:12
I mean, we can go around petting cats, we
can go around hugging
horses, and our brain is not going to
release those chemicals.
27:20
Doesn't happen, except it does happen when
you pet your dog.
27:24
And it's interesting to me that the
chemicals, serotonin and dopamine and all
of those get released in your brain in
nearly the same amounts as when a mother
breastfeeds her child and what's even
stranger.
27:36
It gets released in the dog's brain about the
same amount as a baby when it's being
breastfed. And remember that as we
communicate verbally, there's always a
chemical reaction that occurs.
27:47
Always. It's interesting to note how the
chemical reaction is
immediate and notable.
27:53
When you communicate through touch, don't
leave that out of your communication
strategy. For example, if you notice that
somebody needs to calm
down, they're emotionally out of control,
they're sad.
28:05
And you want to say something, but you don't
know what to say.
28:08
But you want to say something that helps
them calm down and regain their emotional
control. What do you do if you see a child
who's lost in a mall, you walk
up to the child. What would you be most
likely to do as you say to that
child? Do you know who your parents are?
What would you do? It tends to be that if we
were to see a child, I used to teach
fourth grade, for example, and if a child
falls down and hurts himself or herself, I
might lean over to that child and say, Oh,
honey, what happened?
Or We see a child at the mall and we might
lean over and say, Do you know what your
parent's names are, what their phone number
is?
We lean in, tilt to the side and tap them.
28:45
And if you want to calm somebody, for
example, let them know I'm with you.
28:49
It's okay. You're safe.
28:51
If you give them the tap and tilt and say
it's okay, everything's going to be all
right, or you're done with a meeting and you
notice that someone is on the verge of tears
and you want to let them know it's okay if
you, instead of saying something, do
something. Use a visual communication tactic
like the tap and tilt where you
tap them on the shoulder and tilt your head
to the side.
29:11
And you were to say, thanks for meeting with
me today.
29:13
I appreciate that.
29:14
Those signals trigger not just an emotional
reaction where people feel as if,
okay, everything's going to be all right or
they feel as if you get it.
29:23
And I finally have found somebody that
understands my pain.
29:26
They release chemicals in that person's
brain much more effectively than any words
you could possibly say. So if you're in a
situation where you want to let somebody know
I'm with you and I'm sharing in your pain so
that I can take some of it from you, if you
do nothing more than say, I'm with you and
you tilt your head to the side and tap them
on the shoulder, as you say that that alone
will create more of an impact
than any words you could possibly say.
29:51
So having said all of that about body
language tells signals
cues how the brain interprets it, the
reaction that's going on, we
now know that most body language signals are
interpreted on a subconscious level
like that. We can be deliberate when we send
signals and we should be
deliberate because then it will come
naturally.
30:12
But how can we start to be more perceptive
and take what we've learned, for example, and
apply it? You know, let's say that I'm in a
meeting and it's a meeting such as the one we
looked at at the beginning of this lecture.
30:23
And I need to assess, are these people
enjoying themselves?
Do they want to leave?
How are they receiving the information I'm
sending?
How do they feel?
Remember that we can look really quickly and
get a good idea.
30:37
But if you want to delve deeper and really
determine
by using cues and signals and tells if
people are enjoying
what you're saying, how they feel about it,
where they are in the comprehension process.
30:50
Once you learn, as we did today, some simple
cues, you can make more accurate judgments.
30:55
All right. So let's take everything we've
talked about so far and look at the picture
again that we displayed at the beginning.
31:01
Take a look at those people and ask yourself
the same questions.
31:04
Who appears to be comfortable?
Who appears as though they feel like they
belong?
Who are the guests?
Who are the invitees?
And when you ask yourself those same
questions, but this time, as you answer the
questions the first time, chances are we
quickly did it and you did not
rationalize where you got your answers.
31:22
This time, I'd like you to think of the
answers you gave and look at the people in
the meeting. For example, look at the cues
that they're sending, look at the tells, and
ask yourself, Was I right when I was
thinking the thoughts that I thought before
about them? And chances are you're going to
be right on with everything that you thought
you have correctly determined who's
comfortable, who's not, who believes that
they belong, who believes that they don't.
31:47
But now you can look through the picture and
identify what the cues and the tells and the
signals were. And the more consciously you
can pick up on those signals and identify
them and then incorporate them into your
communication style and
know what to do when you see them displayed
by others, you will be miles
ahead of most communicators because you are
taking advantage of the information that
you're already born with, but you're using
it in new, effective ways.
32:15
So in this lecture, we learned how to
identify the different cues, tools and
signals that people send through body
language.
32:22
We also learned how to deliberately send
signals and tells that
punctuate and emphasize the message that
you're trying to send as well as what to
do once we have spotted specific tells how
to act upon the information that we've
learned.