00:01
In this lecture, we're going to focus on the
words and you'll learn how to speak with more
power, tact and skill by focusing on three
things.
00:09
First, we're going to identify the verbal
patterns that have been sabotaging your
success. And we're going to talk about how
to replace those with more powerful verbal
patterns using a danger phrase and power
phrase list.
00:19
The second thing we'll focus on is how to
choose the right verbal patterns to
articulate what you're really thinking so
that people listen to and respect your
message more. And the third thing we'll
focus on is how to use the correct learning
tools so that you can take these verbal
patterns, make them your own, and use them
when you need them most.
00:39
In this first chapter, we're going to talk
about my favorite tool of all, a danger
phrase and power phrase list.
00:46
If you have not yet started using a danger
phrase in power phrase list, you're going to
notice an immediate difference, both at work
and at home.
00:54
Now, you should take out your danger phrase
and power phrase template that you'll find in
your materials. Or if you don't have access
to your materials, take out a sheet of paper
and draw a big letter t make a t chart on
that piece of paper, and that will help
you create the danger phrase and power
phrase list.
01:12
So step one, when you're making a danger
phrase in power phrase list is to take
it really can be any piece of paper or it
could be the template that you were provided
in your materials. And on the left hand
side, at the very top right, the word
danger and the right hand side at the very
top right, the word power.
01:30
What you're going to do is we're going to
start out talking about common danger phrases
that people tend to use both at work and at
home.
01:37
And I'm going to ask that you keep your
danger phrase list visible, because
remember that human beings respond well to
visual cues and you want to keep it
someplace handy so that as you're on the
telephone at work or as you're with your
family at home, at the dinner table, you
have that visible to remind you what are the
verbal patterns that you're going to be
purging from your verbal repertoire?
And what are some new verbal patterns that
you want to add?
Remember, visual cues are key.
02:03
So I'm going to start out talking about
common danger phrases that you may be using
right now and that are sabotaging your
communication success.
02:12
The first danger phrase that we'll talk
about is.
02:15
I'm sorry.
02:17
Remember, especially women need to purge
this danger phrase from their verbal
repertoire. Not all women are the same.
02:23
Not all men are the same. I understand that.
02:25
But women tend to use the phrase I'm sorry,
about 3 to 7
times. For every one time you'll hear a man
say it and women tend to use it in different
circumstances than men tend to use it.
02:37
For example, did you know that predators will
go to the grocery store and as they walk
down the aisles with their cards, they will
bang into the carts of women looking for
those who say, I'm sorry because now they
know that's an easier target.
02:51
Purge that phrase from your verbal
repertoire.
02:55
In his book Blink, Malcolm Gladwell talks
about associations that the subconscious
mind makes and how we can make judgments
very quickly.
03:04
And it's funny how our subconscious
judgments are much more accurate than our
conscious judgments.
03:10
Our subconscious mind tends to judge people
and things very quickly and very
accurately. Then our conscious mind comes in
and says, Wait a minute, let me think
about this. And the judgments that we make
consciously, based on the facts that we see
at hand, are not as accurate as our
subconscious mind.
03:27
And the first thing the subconscious mind
does when we are judging other people
and we might not like to judge people, the
subconscious mind does.
03:35
It helps to save time.
03:36
It keeps us safe. And the first thing that
we use to judge other people
are their verbal patterns.
03:42
So when you start to speak, people are going
to start to associate you
with other people who speak the way you
speak.
03:50
They're going to start to determine what's
your socioeconomic background, what's your
geographic origin, what's your level of
education.
03:55
So many things based on the words coming out
of your mouth.
03:59
Basically, people connect you with others
who speak as you speak.
04:04
That's one of the reasons we keep a danger
phrase and power phrase list so that
if you notice that other people with whom
you do not want to be associated are
using verbal patterns all the time.
04:16
You may want to purge those like, I'm sorry,
but in addition to the
associations that the words we use make, in
addition to the
connection that it makes or breaks with
other people, phrases such as I'm sorry are
simply ineffective.
04:32
For example, when someone needs to apologize
to you and they say,
I'm sorry, I'm really sorry or sorry about
that, you know how
ineffective that phrase is.
04:43
So I'd like you to starting out recognize
how often
you use the phrase I'm sorry, and start to
purge that and replace it with a
simple I apologize if that is appropriate or
purge it all together and
don't say anything.
04:58
If somebody bumps into your cart at the
grocery store, for example, the phrase idea,
there's a different reason I'd want to purge
that phrase from my verbal repertoire.
05:07
And while you want to purge it from yours,
it's not because I don't want to associate
myself with those who have ideas.
05:13
It's simply because people at work don't
care about my ideas and they don't care about
yours when, for example, somebody has a
problem that they need solved or
you're brainstorming at the meeting table.
05:26
Think about those who say things like this.
05:29
I think I have an idea.
05:32
There are many things wrong with that
message.
05:35
But the first is if you were to study the
verbal patterns of who we consider to be
powerful communicators, they do not talk
about the ideas that they have.
05:43
If you look at the CEOs of Fortune 500
companies and how they speak at the boardroom
table, they do not say, well, I have an
idea.
05:52
If somebody has a problem, what do other
people want?
They want things like answers, solutions,
proposals.
05:59
And if you change your verbal pattern to
that and say, instead of
I think I have an idea, you say something
such as I believe I have a proposal
for you. Totally different message.
06:12
And we'll talk about many of the reasons
why.
06:14
But remember, if you say to somebody.
06:18
I think I have an idea.
06:20
And you tilt your head to the side and you
use a phrase like, I think you probably
experienced it in the past.
06:26
You've said something like that and people
did not respond to it.
06:29
Then 5 minutes later, somebody said the
exact same thing and everybody thought, Oh,
what a great idea.
06:35
And you thought, Hey, that's never mind.
06:39
You probably didn't say exactly what you
thought you did.
06:42
Keeping a list such as the one we're
describing now helps you actually say what
you think you're saying. Because, remember,
human beings think they're saying something
other than what they're really saying.
06:51
Over 50% of the time.
06:53
If you're going to be more tactical and
deliberate in what you're saying, a danger
phrase in power phrase list is a great
start.
07:00
Now. I need you to do something for me.
07:03
That phrase is a danger phrase for many
reasons.
07:05
Number one, when you use the phrase I need
at work.
07:08
The more often you use it, the more people
will start to see you as needy.
07:14
And apart from that, when we say something
such as, for example, I need that
report by the end of the day, let's say that
I deliver that message to you
or I need you to pay attention in this
meeting.
07:27
Many times what we accidentally do is we
misplace the real subject when we communicate
and we start to cloud the message.
07:35
And if we are deliberate and more skilled in
our subject placement or our subject
selection, you'll notice a change in the
response that you get from other people.
07:43
For example, the subject tends to be at the
beginning of the sentence, Right,
I need that report.
07:51
By the end of the day, I need you to pay
attention.
07:55
What's at the beginning of those sentences?
I need I'm placing my needs in what would
generally be considered
the power position in a sentence.
08:05
And if I do that, I'm focusing on me and my
needs.
08:08
When you start to be more deliberate in your
verbal patterns and instead put the real
subject first, you'll notice a difference in
the way it feels and in the response that
you'll get. For example, if I were to say I
need that report by the end of the day,
what's the real subject that should be at
the beginning of that sentence?
The report. So watch how the message
changes.
08:29
If I were to say that report is due by the
end of the day.
08:34
Totally different message. Right?
Or if I were to say.
08:38
Your attention is critical for the success
of this class.
08:41
Totally different message.
08:43
So when you start to deliberately choose,
what's your subject?
What are the phrases that you're going to
use?
And then couple that with body language
tactics.
08:52
Because you may have noticed, if I were to
say I think I have an idea
that's very different from I have a solution
for you write
the body language gesture, passing the
books.
09:05
As you say, something is going to lend more
credibility and power to the message.
09:08
And we'll be talking about those body
language tactics or body language signals
that we send later on in these lessons.
09:15
But I want you to really get a clear picture
of when you start to change your verbal
patterns and be more deliberate, the whole
message changes.
09:23
And one of the things that people tend to
say at work a lot that I hope you do not say
is do you need or do you want?
For example, we tend to ask people, do you
need me to send that out by the end of the
day? Or do you want me to FedEx that to you?
You want me to do that now?
And when you say something such as Do you
need or do you want, first of all, you're
obligating the person with whom you're
speaking to admit, Yeah, I'm needy or I'm
wonderful. We don't want to do that.
09:51
But secondly, the verbal pattern do you want
or do you need
generally comes into place when I'm in a
service position, right?
Or if you're in a service position.
10:01
And we tend to say to people like our boss
things such as, do you need me to do that for
you now? Or we tend to say to customers, Do
you want to beg with that?
And I don't want to use the verbal patterns
that people tend
to use exclusively in entry level positions.
10:17
For example, if you go to the gas station
and you buy some gum
and a soda, they'll ask you, do you want a
bag with that?
And there are different verbal patterns that
they would use if you went, for example, to
the Marriott Hotel or the Four Seasons
Hotel, and they were to ask you if you'd like
a receipt. Right?
They don't say you want a receipt.
10:38
They would say something more along the lines
of, would you like a receipt?
However, we're going to take it one step
further.
10:45
You're really going to like this when you
implement not just a verbal
pattern that's different, like when you use
a danger phrase and a power phrase list, but
you start to really learn the names of these
strategies.
10:58
It's amazing the difference in results you
can get.
11:00
I'm going to give you a quick tip when
you're changing from do you
want or do you need to a would you like
phrase because that's much
better. Couple that with a tag question.
11:15
Tag questions are questions that you put on
the end of statements.
11:18
And it's funny because we know the names of
many different types of questions.
11:22
For example, you probably are familiar with
closed ended questions that generally
elicit a yes or no open ended questions
which start out with things like
Tell me about, but are you familiar with the
tag question?
Tag questions are ones that we use a lot,
but most people have not yet named them.
11:40
And a tag question sounds like this.
11:42
But, um.
11:44
Would you like that?
Da da da da da da.
11:46
Wouldn't you agree?
Beautiful day outside. Don't you think this
is a great place to work, isn't it?
When you make a statement and follow it up
with a quick confirmation?
Yes or no question?
That's a tag question.
11:58
And watch the difference.
12:00
If I were to say, do you want me to send that
up by the end of the day?
Or I could send that up by the end of the
day for you.
12:07
Would you like that? When you say that I'm
doing so many different things, I'm purging
verbal patterns that connect me with those
who have not yet invested in their personal
development. I'm using verbal patterns that
are more polished and professional, and I'm
gaining what's called a yes momentum by
saying something that goes like, But Bam,
Bam, Bam, would you like that?
And when you get a yes momentum, when you
get people into the habit of saying yes to
you, they're more likely to say yes to you
for whatever you need.
12:34
You may need that.
12:35
Also, I'm getting people in their minds or
verbally to confirm.
12:39
Yes, I like that.
12:40
Yes. Yes.
12:42
So not only are they getting into a yes
momentum, they're thinking, I like
this when they are around me and if you do
it when they're around you, there are so many
reasons we're going to use that in the
future.
12:53
So when you keep a list like this, not only
is it simply changing a verbal pattern here
and there, when you keep a list like this,
you'll learn many different strategies that
you can couple together and you'll be on a
whole different level from the average
professional communicator.
13:07
We're going to be using this list as we go
through these lectures and these courses.
13:11
But I wanted to give you one quick tip before
we move along from this section.
13:15
We'll be adding to it as we go along.
13:17
But remember the word unfair.
13:20
It's a great example of how changing a
simple word can change the entire message
that you're sending if you have ever used
the phrase.
13:30
I think that's unfair.
13:31
Or I believe that I'm treated unfairly here.
13:34
Never say that again.
13:35
Instead, remember, the word unfair is a
danger phrase.
13:39
Because what do people think or what do
people say when you tell them that's not
fair at work?
They probably say or think what they should.
13:48
Life isn't fair, and this is not about being
fair.
13:50
However, if you change it to unequal, it
changes the whole message.
13:55
If you were to say to your boss, for
example, you know, I believe that I'm treated
unfairly here, has no impact except a
negative one.
14:04
If you were to instead say, I believe that
in this organization I'm treated
unequally, that tends to get attention.
14:12
Why? Because now you've changed it from a
personal issue to a legal issue, all by using
one word differently.
14:18
It commands attention.
14:19
Changing simple verbal patterns changes the
entire world.
14:24
And now let's talk about verbal patterns,
specifically free style scripts.
14:29
You may have heard about scripting before in
other communication courses, but the type of
scripting that we're going to be learning
about here is called freestyle scripting.
14:37
And you're really going to like it because
many times when we are learning about
scripting, what I have learned about
scripting and previous communication courses,
they are referring to scripts, really long
scripts that people are supposed to memorize
and then deliver in an emotionally charged
or difficult situation, which is almost
impossible for the average communicator.
14:57
It's impossible for me.
14:58
Freestyle scripting, however, is more about
learning the steps, having a
frame to get the thoughts from your brain
out of your mouth.
15:06
And it's kind of like dancing if you know
how to dance or if you don't know how to
dance. I'm somebody who finds it very
difficult to dance.
15:15
And the main reason why it's so difficult
for me is because if I'm at a wedding or if
I'm at some event and somebody says, Hey,
come on, Dan, let's go dance, and I don't
know what the steps are.
15:26
It gives me that sick feeling and I try to
avoid it at all costs.
15:31
For example, if I notice that they're
dragging people out onto the dance floor, I
tend to leave the situation if I can,
thinking I just don't want to be dragged on
the dance floor because I will feel awkward.
15:41
I'll feel as though I don't know what's
going on and so I'll avoid the situation.
15:45
Do you do that?
For example, in your communication
situations, let's say that you
have to have one of those talks with an
employee or
a boss.
15:57
There's something that's bothering you that
you need to get off your chest.
16:01
Do you avoid those situations if you don't?
You know people who do new managers, new
supervisors, for example, tend to
avoid difficult conversations and hope that
things just go away on their own.
16:13
Or maybe it's at home, maybe.
16:16
Have you ever come home, for example, and
you know that the person you live
with is waiting for you, and so you might
come home a little bit later or you might
come home and make a mad dash into the
bathroom, or you might do something to avoid
those talks. It's totally different,
however, when you're confident,
having those difficult conversations, when
you know, this is what I'm supposed to say,
this is how I say it, these are the steps.
16:40
Then you have those conversations more
often, and other people like new managers and
supervisors, spouses, children will have
those conversations more often.
16:48
It's really all about knowing the steps.
16:51
So learning how to freestyle script is very
similar to learning
how to dance watch.
16:59
For example, if you want to dance to any
song or
communicate in any situation, you just need
to know three steps or
three magic phrases or simple verbal
patterns, and all of a sudden you can finesse
your way through many different situations.
17:15
Just as a good dancer can dance to any song
that comes on the radio, like watch,
repeat these three phrases after me.
17:21
You ready? That's interesting.
17:24
Why would you say that?
Say that. Now say that's interesting.
17:29
Why would you ask that?
And now say, that's interesting.
17:33
Why would you do that? With those three
phrases, you can respond rather than
react to just about anything.
17:40
Okay, now do this. If you're sitting down,
just drive your car.
17:44
Do this. Drive your car.
17:46
Okay. And now adjust your shirt.
17:50
Got it. Now shoot your guns.
17:53
Bang! Bang! Okay.
17:56
Now, you can respond to almost anything
anybody says with a simple.
18:00
Interesting. Why would you ask me that?
And now you can dance to any song with those
three moves.
18:05
You can drive your car, adjust your shirt,
shoot those guns.
18:08
Bang, bang. So remember, now, if you learn
the right dance
steps and the right verbal tactics, you can
respond and
dance and finesse your way through any
situation.
18:19
And you'll be comfortable the next time you
go to a wedding or you're at a situation
where you have the opportunity to dance.
18:25
Don't avoid it. Just drive your car, just
your shirt, shoot your guns.
18:29
When you have to have a difficult
conversation, don't avoid it.
18:32
Just use these verbal patterns.
18:34
You're ready. I'm going to give you three
what are called duct tape tactics.
18:37
Remember, we talked about those duct tape
tactics are things that you can use in a
variety of different circumstances.
18:42
The first one is a three part verbal pattern
that goes like this, first of
all. Secondly, finally.
18:50
So repeat that, first of all.
18:52
Secondly. Finally.
18:55
Say that again. First of all.
18:57
Secondly. Finally.
19:00
Remember that duct tape tactics can be used
in a variety of different circumstances, and
this first one can be used in many
circumstances.
19:07
The most common way that we use this is when
you have to deliver a long message.
19:12
For example, let's say you need to tell an
employee.
19:15
Okay, here's what you need to do.
19:16
You need to do these ten things.
19:18
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
eight, nine, ten.
19:23
When you go through numbers like that, one,
two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,
nine, ten. It's a long time.
19:29
Let me say a numbers. Right.
19:31
And most people tend to tune out once you
get to number four, especially number
five. How can I help get a long message
through to the
brain of the person with whom I am
communicating?
Like, let's say I need to tell you a long
phone number.
19:47
What do we do with phone numbers?
We break them up into generally three
chunks.
19:51
Why? Because the brain can more easily
process and remember that information.
19:55
So what can we do if I need to?
Or if you need to deliver a set of
instructions to an employee and it's
ten steps.
20:05
You can increase the odds that that
employee's brain will receive the message
process and remember the message if you
simply break it up into three chunks, like
watch the difference between these two
messages?
All right, I need you to do steps one and
then two, then three, and then
four. Then five, six, seven, eight, nine and
ten.
20:27
It seemed really long right now.
20:29
Watch this. All right.
20:31
First of all, I need you to do steps one,
two, and then three.
20:35
Secondly, move along to steps four, five,
six, and then seven.
20:38
And finally, wrap it up with steps eight,
nine and ten.
20:42
Much better, right?
You can take almost any long message,
especially one that may be technical.
20:47
If you have to do technical training or give
technical instruction and break it up into,
first of all, secondly, finally, take a
chunk of things here, a chunk of
things there and a chunk of things here.
20:58
And when you deliver it in a package that
wraps it up where it seems to
have a logical beginning, a middle and an
end, people tend to remember
more of it and they process it more easily.
21:10
So the next time you have to deliver lots of
information, somebody just asked me, for
example, Hey, I have to deliver a big
presentation and there's a
section that's kind of dry where I'm talking
about specific actions that people must
take. How can I get through that and have
people remember more of what I'm saying?
There's almost no message.
21:29
You can't wrap up in it, first of all.
21:30
Secondly and finally, the second verbal
pattern I'd like to talk about is a feel,
felt found.
21:36
This one you'll probably use most when you're
presenting a proposal and
somebody objects to what it is that you're
saying an objection.
21:45
We talk a lot about objections in these
courses.
21:47
So just remember that over half the time
when people object to whatever it is
that you're presenting, it's what we would
call a false objection, meaning they're just
objecting to object.
21:57
They really don't have anything against your
idea.
22:00
But we'll talk about how to quickly uncover
those later on.
22:03
Let's say that you are presenting an idea to
your boss or to a
customer, and let's say that for your boss,
you were to say, you know, I believe we
should color coded all of the files in the
accounting department that would help us be
more efficient. Or to a customer, you might
say, I believe that package number three
would be the package that would be best
suited for you.
22:23
And the customer says, you know, I don't I
don't think that would fit
in my budget or your boss were to say, yeah,
I don't think that's going to be such a great
idea. What do you say or do?
This three part verbal pattern helps you not
just respond meaning have words.
22:40
You know what I mean? You'd never want to be
a stoppable communicator, but you don't want
to be a reactionary communicator either and
say the first thing into the brain, first
thing out of the mouth. So this verbal
pattern helps you respond, but it also
incorporates psychological tactics that
increase the odds that the person with whom
you are communicating will listen to you and
change his or her mind.
23:01
You can actually overcome objections more
often if you are to use this verbal pattern
than if you were to simply wing it.
23:08
You ready? Repeat this after me.
23:11
I can appreciate why you would feel that
way.
23:13
Say that. Now that's very different from the
verbal pattern.
23:18
Oh, I know how you feel.
23:19
Or. Oh, I know just how you feel.
23:21
Right. I know how you feel is a danger
phrase.
23:25
Because when you say to somebody, Oh, I know
how you feel.
23:29
What do they say? Or What do they think?
Right. They think, No, you don't.
23:33
And it's true. So remember, I can understand
why you would feel that way.
23:38
I can appreciate why you would feel that way
is very different from I know how
you feel. We'll talk about that later on as
well.
23:45
The second part is I felt the same way in
the past or I know others who
have felt the same way in the past.
23:52
So say that I have felt the same way in the
past.
23:55
Say that. Now say I know others who have
felt the same way.
24:00
Okay. So now we've said I can appreciate why
you'd feel that way.
24:04
I felt the same way in the past.
24:05
Or I can understand why you'd feel that way.
24:07
I know some others who felt the same way in
the past.
24:09
Something like that.
24:11
Now, remember, this is just like when you
dance.
24:13
When you dance.
24:15
I might shoot my guns.
24:17
You might bust a cap.
24:19
So remember, it's okay to modify the verbal
patterns
to suit your style.
24:25
Freestyle scripting is about having a frame,
not about memorizing all of the words.
24:29
So you may adjust the words or the the way
you're saying something like this to suit
your style. But the three principles are
going to remain the same principle.
24:38
Number one is, I can understand why you feel
that way.
24:41
I'm validating.
24:42
That's the psychological maneuver.
24:44
Principle number two is I know some others
who have felt the same way or I felt the same
way myself. Now I'm what's called
generalizing in a communication sense.
24:52
We call that generalizing.
24:54
And now we'll move on to step number three.
24:57
Step number three is when you now respond
and I could say something such as, however,
what I have found is or however what they
found is and when you put it all
together, when you say to an objection, when
you respond to an
objection with a I can understand why you'd
feel that way, because I felt the
same way before I investigated.
25:17
However, after I did my homework, I found
that this has worked for other companies and
I believe it will work for us as well.
25:23
Or I can understand why you might be hesitant
to try these products because some of my
customers, they felt the same way.
25:29
However, once they took a good look at the
numbers, they found that it not just worked
for them but also worked for their budget.
25:34
And I think you'll find the same thing if
you can just give me a chance when you say to
somebody, not the actual words, I can
understand how you feel that way.
25:41
Others have felt the same way in the past.
25:43
However, what I have found is but the
concepts.
25:46
I can appreciate why you feel the way you
feel.
25:49
I know some others, maybe me who have felt
the same way in the past.
25:52
They were in the dark, but they were brought
to the light just like I'm going to bring you
to the light and then you respond.
25:59
If you do that instead of just responding,
you know, first thing to the brain, first
thing out of the mouth, you will get to
overcome more objections than the
average communicator who simply responds
with a reaction.
26:12
And the third verbal pattern that I'd like
to teach you is going to be one that you can
use many times when you need to say no.
26:21
Have you ever been told that you need to
learn how to say no?
And now I don't mean, for example, if you're
somebody who does not ever say no
and you need to learn how to get a no out,
but have you ever been
told that's not the way you say no?
You need to learn how to say no, and you're
left thinking, What does that mean?
I don't know what that means.
26:42
This is what it means.
26:44
This three part process helps you
incorporate the theories of when you want to
say no to somebody, if you want to do it on
the level that they do it in the Four
Seasons Hotel reception desk, for example,
or the way that the assistant
to the CEO of a Fortune 100 company says it
to an important client.
27:03
If you want to use those verbal patterns,
it's simple.
27:06
One of the most common verbal patterns that
you will now see used if you haven't seen it
used in the past, is based on three simple
theories you want to, when you are
declining a request, say, first of all, I'm
a helper here to help you.
27:19
I'm a team player on your team.
27:21
Step number two is you want to say, however,
these are the challenges that I'm facing.
27:26
And then finally you want to wrap it up
offering some suggestion or some alternative,
right? You probably heard these theories,
but it's difficult to get it out of your
mouth in a situation where you need it the
most.
27:37
This will help you.
27:39
All right. I'd like you to repeat after me.
27:42
I'd like to be helpful.
27:45
However, I'm afraid.
27:47
So I'm wondering.
27:50
You ready? Now put it all together.
27:52
I'd like to be helpful, however.
27:53
I'm afraid so.
27:54
I'm wondering. Say that again.
27:57
I'd like to be helpful, however.
27:58
I'm afraid so.
28:00
I'm wondering. We're going to talk at the
end how to
make these verbal patterns our own so that
when you need them, you don't have to stop
and think. What was it feel?
Felt. I can understand why you feel that
way.
28:13
I found.
28:15
What is it? You won't be doing that when you
need to deliver a note.
28:19
If you have the verbal pattern ready to say,
I'd like to be helpful, however, I'm afraid
so. I'm wondering.
28:24
It's easy and effective and people will
notice.
28:27
But you need to practice it.
28:28
And let's imagine now that I were to say to
you, Hey, I need some help after
work. I'm doing the holiday party all by
myself.
28:36
Could you stay after and help me for a
couple hours?
How would you respond to that?
Using that verbal pattern if you said
something such as,
Oh, I would love to be helpful.
28:47
However, I'm afraid that tonight I have
other plans.
28:49
So I'm wondering, would it be possible for
me to come in in the morning and help you?
Or let's say that a customer says to you,
Hey,
can I use your back warehouse to store my
luggage?
And you need to say no.
29:03
How would you say that? Using.
29:05
I'd like to be helpful, however.
29:06
I'm afraid so. I'm wondering.
29:08
If you said something such as I'd like to be
helpful.
29:12
However, I'm afraid that we can't use the
warehouse for luggage storage.
29:15
So I'm wondering, would you like me to hold
it here at the front desk for you?
If you learn how to deliver an AU
seamlessly, I'd like to be helpful,
however. I'm afraid so. I'm wondering how to
overcome objections.
29:26
I can appreciate why you'd feel that way.
29:28
Others have felt the same way in the past.
29:29
However, what I have found is or take
instructions and make them appear more
simple, first of all.
29:35
Secondly, and finally, just those three part
verbal patterns
are going to help transform your messages so
that they're still yours.
29:43
They're still your words, they're still your
messages.
29:46
But you will notice that you will get a
different reaction from people, because we're
starting to incorporate tactics that help
the brain receive process.
29:55
Remember, understand your messages.
29:57
It can be very simple, but we have to use
these words, right?
And by very nature of needing these tactics,
chances
are you'll forget them.
30:07
Because remember how we were talking about
there are two sides to the brain and there's
the left hand logical side where we keep
language and there's the right hand emotional
side. When you trigger one, the other one
tends to die down when you need your
words the most because you're nervous or the
the situation is becoming heated or
emotional. The part of the brain where your
words and verbal patterns live starts to die
down. So you're less likely to remember,
especially new verbal
patterns. What do you do?
Chances are if you have been in the military
or if you know somebody who's been in the
military, you know that soldiers know how to
take apart their gun
and put it back together really quickly in
the dark, in the sleep without any
notice. Right.
30:54
People who learn to do things over and over
and over and over and over again,
repetition start to be able to do them
automatically.
31:03
The reason, for example, why soldiers have
to learn to take apart their guns and put
them back together.
31:08
And they do that over and over and over and
over again, is because when they need
to do that, if their gun is jammed, if it's
broken, when they need to know how to take it
apart and put it back together, those are
precisely the times where they will not be
able to stop and think what's step one
again?
How do I do that? Right.
31:27
So they practice over and over and over and
over again.
31:30
So it becomes automatic.
31:32
That's what I would like you to do.
31:33
And we provided you the tools that will make
it really simple.
31:36
In the materials that you were provided with
this course, you have a set of quick
reference flashcards.
31:42
It's a piece of paper that appears to have
four different cards on it that you can look
at and you'll see the tactics that we're
describing here today.
31:50
Keep those cards handy.
31:52
They've been provided so that whether you're
learning style is more auditory or
visual or kinesthetic or reading and
writing, whatever your style is, we're going
to incorporate all four of the basic
learning styles so that this
information can sink into the brain and be
ready to use much more
quickly and much more easily.
32:13
I'd like you to take out the flashcards that
came with the materials and look at the
one that you think would be the best for you
this week.
32:23
Which one do you think you'll be able to use
this week?
Maybe it's just one danger phrase that you
need to purge.
32:28
Maybe it's a saying no, or maybe it's a
overcoming objection tactic.
32:33
But find one card and that's going to be
yours for the week.
32:36
And what I do, what I'm learning, a new
verbal pattern.
32:39
And that's what I do all the time.
32:41
I'll keep one in my jacket pocket.
32:43
And if I'm waiting for an elevator, for
example, I'll pull it out and I'll
say, This is the card. I'll pull it out and
I'll say, Okay, I'd like to be helpful.
32:52
However, I'm afraid so. I'm wondering, I'd
like to be helpful, however, I'm afraid so.
32:56
I'm wondering and I'll practice saying it
over and over and over again so
that when I need to use it, when a customer
asks me, Hey,
Dan, could I change the date of that event
from the fourth to the fifth?
I can say, Oh, I'd love to be helpful.
33:10
However, I'm afraid that I've already got an
event booked on the fifth.
33:14
So I'm wondering, would you like to make it
maybe the sixth or the third?
And when you can respond using the tactics
without thinking about it, you'll
be more apt to use them and you'll see them
be much more effective.
33:26
But you've got to practice, practice in no
risk situations.
33:28
For example, when I'm talking with my
mother, I will use the tactics that I'm
learning because I think, well, even if I
don't say it right with Mom, it'll be okay.
33:37
And I'll stumble over my words when I'm
using them.
33:39
Just as if you're learning any new language,
you start to stumble.
33:43
And it's difficult. And many people.
33:47
Avoid using new verbal patterns.
33:49
For example, if they are in a situation
where they don't speak the language, they'll
just not speak because they're embarrassed.
33:55
Don't be embarrassed. Use new verbal
patterns in no risk situations and
welcome embarrassment.
34:01
Welcome. Stepping over your words.
34:02
Welcome sounding strange.
34:04
It's just like if you watch court shows on
television or if you ever go to the
courtroom, you'll notice that people who try
to speak courtroom language for the first
time, they'll get up and they'll say things
like, Well, ma'am, I
witnessed the female exit the vehicle and
they sound very strange.
34:21
But then you'll see an officer get up and
he'll say or she'll say, Well, I witnessed
the female exit the vehicle and it sounds
really normal.
34:28
Why? Because their mouth is used to saying
it.
34:30
Their mouth has said it so many times that
now it sounds normal.
34:34
Get used to saying these new verbal patterns
as many times as you can, and eventually
it will sound normal, just like when you
learn any new language.
34:41
And we're going to talk about how whether or
not, you know, that you speak many languages,
you do. That's coming up in future lessons.
34:48
In this lesson, we learned how to identify
and purge phrases that are
sabotaging your success and replace them
with new, more powerful ones.
34:56
You can do that quickly and easily using a
danger phrase and power phrase list.
35:01
The second thing we learned was how to
choose the right verbal patterns to
articulate what you're saying.
35:05
Things such as the feel felt found the I'd
like to be helpful, however.
35:09
I'm afraid so. I'm wondering the first of
all.
35:11
Secondly and finally and we talked about how
to make these tactics your own using
the materials that you have been provided.
35:18
Use the flashcards, watch these videos,
practice in no risk situation and you'll make
these your own like that.
35:25
Coming up in Future Lessons, we're going to
talk about more specific and complex verbal,
visual and vocal tactics.
35:31
So I'll see you there.