00:01
In this lecture, you'll learn some more power
phrases that you can use in a variety of
circumstances, both at work and at home,
with coworkers to bosses and more.
00:10
You'll also learn some danger phrases to
avoid so that you can avoid difficult
situations to begin with.
00:15
Along with some three part verbal patterns
that you can use in a variety of different
circumstances. We're going to start out
talking about the power
phrase. If you can just give me a chance and
you have come to the right
person, coupled with my name is if you're in
a
position or if you have employees in a
position where they're constantly working
with customers who might have challenges,
have them memorize word
for word, those three lines, if you can just
give me a chance,
you have come to the right person.
00:49
And my name is if you have a team of
employees and maybe customer
service is new to them, have them sit down.
00:56
And if nothing else, watch this quick lesson
on power phrases that they can use
that will transform situations everyday
situations every day at work.
01:06
These three phrases are fantastic if you're
just starting your communication development,
because if you start to use them, you will
notice an instant result and you'll want to
learn more. I've talked about some of them.
01:17
For example, if you can just give me a
chance that phrase trigger something in the
emotional side of the brain of the person to
whom you're speaking, and it will make them
want to stop and give you a chance.
01:27
When you say my name is normally, I would
recommend that a
professional introduces himself or herself
by saying I'm or this is.
01:37
But in some situations when you're dealing
with upset customers, you specifically
want to say, my name is because that is
coming from a passive place and it
is going to be more reassuring.
01:48
And that is the place from which you like to
come.
01:50
It's great to teach people the difference
between common phrases that they could use
and the effects that they will get.
01:56
Start off with those phrases and again,
people will be encouraged to learn more.
02:01
The power phrase.
02:03
I understand there is only so much you can
do, but whatever you can do, I'd appreciate.
02:08
Repeat this after me.
02:09
I understand. There's only so much you can
do.
02:13
But whatever you can do, I'd appreciate.
02:16
One more time.
02:17
I understand there's only so much you can
do, but whatever you can do, I'd
appreciate. Why would we use this phrase?
It's perfect.
02:27
If you have somebody who's in a position
where they need to get things from other
people. Especially if the other people don't
always want to give them those
things. For example, if you have somebody
who is looking for something for you,
let's say that you are in a hotel and you
need to get a power
cord converter because you're in Europe and
you're from the US and so you can't plug
anything in and you go down to the front
desk and you say to the front desk agent,
Hi, do you have a power cord converter that
you'd lend me?
And they say, Oh, no, I we don't keep extra
things like that.
03:02
Do you know where I can get one around here?
No, I don't know.
03:06
There's no place around here where you can
get one.
03:08
If you think in situations like that or if
you call up someone and say, Hi, I need
tickets for this Friday's event.
03:14
Do you have any left? And they say, no, no,
you're going to be out of luck.
03:18
There's nothing left. When you have to stop
and think.
03:22
Oh, what can I say to try and get this
person to take action that they obviously
don't want to take?
The phrase, I know there's only so much you
can do, but whatever you can do, I'd
appreciate what you're telling someone when
you use those words is,
I realize that your powers are limited, so
I'm going to let you off the hook.
03:41
And I'm appearing to be rather
compassionate.
03:43
For example, I don't want to say I know
there's only so much you can do.
03:48
Right? I'm trying to say I realize that your
powers, while great, are limited.
03:52
And so if I express that to somebody, I
realize that there's so much you can do.
03:57
And then I tell them, however, whatever you
could do, I would appreciate.
04:02
There's something about that phrase that I
learned at a conference about ten years ago.
04:06
I started using it and I saw immediate
results and couldn't believe how much people
will do for you when you first tell them.
04:14
I realized there's only so much you can do.
04:16
And then when you follow it up with a
however, whatever you can do, I'd appreciate
people tend to hear that and say.
04:25
Wow. That's nice that you're being so
understanding, but hey, there's a lot more
that I can do than you might realize.
04:31
And since you're nice and you've kind of
doubted my powers, I'm going to show you.
04:36
And they tend to do things. For example,
when I was using that at the front desk of
the hotel, I got a power card within 5
minutes.
04:43
It's amazing how people will look for things
and find it.
04:45
It's amazing how if you say to somebody on
the phone, Oh, you're all out of tickets,
well, I realize there's only so much you can
do, but whatever you can do, I'd appreciate
it. It's amazing how magically extra tickets
pop up, magically, things that you
need that you thought you might not get.
05:00
You will get with the right phrases like the
phrase, for example, I'm here for you.
05:05
This is a phrase where you would use it
instead of a closing
such as sincerely or cheers in an email, for
example.
05:16
Emails can be tricky, right?
And if you know somebody who has particular
problems with emails,
remind them, hey, those lead in lines and
closing lines can transform a message.
05:27
If you're ending an email message and
instead of saying something simple, such as
cheers or best regards, you say if you need
anything else.
05:36
Remember I'm Dan and I'm here for you.
05:38
That can transform a mediocre message into
one that creates the PEC at
the end. And they will walk away from that
email thinking of you and the outstanding
service that you provide.
05:50
The reason our policy.
05:52
Let's talk about this phrase.
05:53
There are times in any business where we
need to say to our customers, Oh,
no, I can't do that for you because our
policy prevents it.
06:02
How do we handle those particular instances?
Train people to say instead of simply our
policy, any time that
phrase comes out of the mouth, it should be
prefaced and finished with the two
phrases. The reason?
So if I'm going to say our policy, I want to
get into the habit of saying, well, the
reason our policy and then give a benefit
statement
that starts off with so that you or so you
can, for example, let's say
that you're working at a bank and a customer
calls you and says, Hi.
06:36
I just saw that I was charged $20 for my
last overdraft.
06:40
Could you waive that for me, please?
That's a lot of money. If you are inclined
to say something such as, Oh,
unfortunately I can't.
06:47
Our policy states that I can only waive one
fee per month and I can see we've already
waived a fee this month for you.
06:53
So no, if we train ourselves to use lead in
lines and closing lines,
I can transform a really negative message
like that to something that's actually a
benefit for the customer.
07:04
And say something such as, Oh, Mr.
07:06
Jones, I'd like to be helpful.
07:08
However, unfortunately, the reason our
policy only allows me to waive one fee per
month is so that you and the rest of our
customers actually can enjoy better rates the
entire year round.
07:19
And now I've taken something that's a common
negative aggravating message and turned it
into a benefit for the customer.
07:25
Everybody can do that and they can do it
easily with the right lead in lines, closing
lines and power phrases.
07:31
For example, we are asked frequently at work
questions that we don't know the answer to.
07:35
And we know enough to say, I don't know when
we don't know.
07:40
But many of us haven't yet added something
to the I don't know where
I'm not sure phrase.
07:46
And if on the fly somebody asks you, let's
say that you're a server at a restaurant and
someone says, Could you tell me if there's
any peanuts in the salad dressing?
I'm allergic to peanuts.
07:55
Or if you're working at a hotel and somebody
says, Can you tell me, can I get
an extra late checkout on Sunday?
And you need to say because you're new, I'm
not sure when you
use specifically the phrase, I don't have
that answer, but I'll get it for
you. There's something about when you say, I
don't have that answer, not I don't know or
I'm not sure, but I don't have that answer.
08:19
And then you follow it up with But I'll get
it for you.
08:22
When you say that to a customer, it is much
more polished, professional and service
oriented than a simple I'm not really sure.
08:30
Hold on a minute. Let me find out.
08:32
It's all about the phrases that are going to
distinguish you in your organization
and you as a professional from everybody
else.
08:39
When you can learn phrases such as the ones
we're talking about now and implement them,
you immediately send a message that you
invest in your professional development, for
example. I know just how you feel.
08:51
If you're new in customer service or in any
type of service position
and you're trying to make a connection, the
personal emotional connection, you're trying
to use empathy statements but haven't yet
learned what they are.
09:03
You might use this phrase, I know just how
you feel, and it's one of the worst phrases
we can use when we're trying to be
empathetic.
09:10
But we learn how to purge these phrases.
09:13
We learn that using a danger phrase list
helps us do it quickly and easily.
09:17
So again, if you have a group of new
employees and you just want them
to take 10 minutes out and improve their
communication skills, this lesson, as you can
see, can help people do it quickly and
effectively.
09:30
Let's talk about the feel felt found for a
moment.
09:33
In previous lessons, we talked about how the
feel felt found can help you respond to a
variety of situations.
09:39
For example, if somebody objects to
something you're proposing, you can always
respond by saying, I can understand why you
might feel that way.
09:48
And maybe some of the other people here
today have felt a similar way in the past.
09:51
However, what I have found is, and that
helps you remember,
validate, generalize and then respond.
09:59
Validating is when you say to somebody some
version of I understand why you would think
that. I appreciate why you think that I get
it.
10:08
Then you generalize.
10:09
Remember that generalizing is saying you are
not alone.
10:12
Other people have been in your position.
10:14
Maybe it was me, but they've come to the
light and I'm about to bring you there.
10:19
If you do that before you respond, then you
will increase the odds that people
will actually listen to whatever it is that
you're saying and change their minds.
10:28
If you're overcoming objections, you can
always use a feel felt found to start.
10:33
Or even if somebody comes to you and says
something such as, you know, this new system,
we've implemented the cards instead of paper
money.
10:41
It's terrible. It's confusing.
10:42
I don't like it if somebody complains and
you don't know what to say or if a new
employee especially doesn't know what to
say.
10:50
If they have simple tactics like the feel,
felt, found, they can always respond by
saying things such as.
10:55
Mr. Jones, I understand that you're really
frustrated, and I can understand why, too.
11:00
Because some other customers that I have,
they were frustrated.
11:04
And I get it.
11:05
When I had to learn this new system, it was
difficult.
11:08
But they found that once they gave me a
chance to walk them through it from beginning
to end, it was actually easier and more
efficient than the old way of doing things.
11:16
And I believe if you can just give me a
chance, you'll find the same thing.
11:20
Could you give me that chance?
If people have the frame to push them and
help get the thoughts that will
be effective out of their mouth.
11:29
They're more likely to do it.
11:30
And if you can shake it up a little bit and
change it from the feel, felt, found,
I can understand why you'd feel that way.
11:37
Because I felt the same way once.
11:39
But now I found that it works for me and I
think it'll work for you.
11:42
And instead of just saying that all the time,
you shake things up and say, I can
understand why you'd see it that way.
11:48
I saw it the same way once myself, but now
I've seen it work for me and believe it will
work for you. Or a think thought believe I
can appreciate why you'd think that, because
some other people have thought the same
thing in the past.
11:58
However, I believe it'll work for you, just
like it worked for them.
12:01
If you can give me the chance.
12:02
All it takes are the words, the scripts, the
phrases.
12:06
And you can see the difference night and
day, from day one to day two.
12:11
When instead of saying first thing into the
brain, first thing out of the mouth, people
have a plan, give them the plan, and then
let them change it to suit their own
personality style.
12:19
Maybe they're more kinesthetic.
12:21
Feel, felt, found.
12:22
Maybe they're more visual, see saw seen.
12:24
Maybe they're more cerebral.
12:26
Think, thought, believe.
12:27
The point is, you want to have these systems
at your disposal and use them and you will
see a difference immediately.
12:34
And this last three part verbal pattern that
I'm going to give you is a secret.
12:40
This is used by military to take people who
are the enemy
and bond with them quickly.
12:47
That's something that we all need to do
sometimes at work, sometimes when we're
dealing with a customer or a coworker, and
even if they're not being difficult, but we
want to bond with them, to sell them
something, to gain them as a client.
13:01
Bonding with people is something that we can
do quickly and easily with the right
strategies, and that then makes everything
else that comes after it more easy.
13:09
And in World War Two, the Japanese would
capture American soldiers and bond with them
much more quickly than ever before in
history.
13:16
And we were finding that the American
soldiers were signing documents saying, you
know what, I'm I'm siding with the Japanese
now.
13:23
I'm going to sign these papers that say,
yep, they're my friends, they're right, and
we're going to go play cards.
13:27
And they started doing that a lot.
13:29
And the American government was saying, How
did you do that?
How did you get so many people who are
supposedly your enemy to bond with you in
such a short amount of time?
And when the war was over, they said it was
pretty easy.
13:42
It was the three step process that we used,
and now it's the same process that you will
see used the next time somebody sells you a
television set or a car.
13:50
Here it is. Think about going into a store
and there are lots of televisions around.
13:56
You see two of them that look about the
same, but one of them is much more expensive
than the other. You ask the salesperson,
Hey, could you tell me
about those two televisions?
They look the same to me, but one of them is
a lot more expensive than the other.
14:09
What's with that? If the salesperson is a
savvy communicator and
has been educated, they may use or you may
have heard used the secret confession
favor. Or, for example, let's say that I
have an employee who I like and they
do a great job and there's a lot of
potential, but they seem to be kind of on the
fence. They might want to leave.
14:28
They might not. And I want to bond with them
so that I can help coach them and guide them
through their career. How can I bond with
people more quickly?
When you bond with anybody, part of the
process is going to be that you tell that
person a secret. It's part of the bonding
process and they tell you a secret.
14:43
If I can just do it deliberately.
14:45
I've now accomplished a big part of the
bonding process.
14:48
A confession is something that you would
tell somebody about you that you might not
be so proud of.
14:54
And once you've done it, there is a bond
that has been formed that you can't deny.
14:58
And then comes the favor.
15:01
Remember that when you do a favor for
somebody that is not nearly as powerful in
terms of bonding, then when you ask them to
do a favor for you, when
you put all three things together, here's
what it sounds like.
15:13
Let's say that you go in to buy a television
and you ask the question, What's the
difference between these two TVs?
They look the same. The salesperson might
say to you.
15:24
Let me tell you a secret.
15:26
Those two televisions are really similar.
15:29
The only reason the one is more expensive
than the other.
15:32
Is because it was last year's model and it
was more expensive to create that technology
last year. In fact, I have to confess, if I
were to
buy one of the two televisions, I would get
the cheaper one, because as I mentioned, it's
cheaper and it's newer.
15:48
It's just cheaper to create the technology.
15:50
Now, don't get the older one for more money.
15:53
But do me a favor. Don't tell my boss that I
told you that.
15:56
And don't tell anybody else that I told you
that.
15:58
And even if we listen to that and we know
that's a secret confession favor, I might
hear that, for example, as I have many
times, and I'll hear it and think that's the
secret. Hmm.
16:07
But I don't discount them.
16:09
I actually respect them more and think I'm
going to listen to you.
16:12
Because someone who invests in their
education so much, I'm going to listen to.
16:17
Just like when you hear somebody speak a
language.
16:20
Well, for example, it's as if you hear
somebody speak your language, whatever that
is. Well, you don't discount them and think,
Hey, wait,
you speak English?
Well, there's something wrong here, or you
don't think you're using the
Spanish language so well, I no longer trust
you.
16:39
It's just the opposite.
16:40
I say that because many people ask me, Dan,
what if I'm using a feel, felt found or a
secret confession favor or one of these
strategies?
And someone else has taken this training and
says, Hey, you've taken the Dan O'Connor
tactical communication course.
16:54
My response is always the same.
16:56
Well, how would you feel if somebody came up
to you and started speaking your language?
Well. And people will inevitably say.
17:04
I guess I respect that.
17:06
I like that it's the same thing.
17:08
So don't be shy.
17:09
When you use verbal patterns or tactics or
strategies because you're afraid that people
will notice it.
17:15
It's as if people are noticing that you're
speaking your language correctly, because
once you start communication training and
you use more and more of these strategies,
this will be your new language.
17:25
And when you recognize it in others, you
will respect them more, just as they will
respect you more. In this lecture, you
learned how to use power phrases to deal with
many common, difficult situations that
you'll have at work, as well as what are some
of the danger phrases that you can avoid so
that you don't make the situations worse?
And you also learned how to use three part
verbal patterns that include psychological
maneuvers to get what you want and achieve
your communication goal.