00:01
In this lecture, we'll continue talking about
nonverbal communication and specifically your
tone, how you can find and use what's called
your power tone.
00:09
We'll also talk about some ways that you can
visually project the image of a player who
belongs in your organization, as well as how
you can use communication props to convey
your message. Let's start out talking about
our
professional image and how we can find what
would be considered your professional
power tone.
00:30
We recognize many people simply by their
tone.
00:34
For example, when you hear the voice of
Darth Vader, you know it's Darth Vader's
voice. There are many voices that instantly
trigger an emotional response from
people. And the voice, the tone of your
voice is something that
you can use to project an image of more
credibility, more professionalism, more
power. And especially if you find yourself
asking,
Why don't they find me to be as credible as
the other person?
Why, when I deliver a message, people don't
find it to be as credible as when John
delivers a message.
01:07
Or as when Mark delivers a message, what is
it?
Do you remember what percentage of the
message is tone?
The tone in your voice.
01:15
Remember the words.
01:16
The actual words that we speak is always the
smallest part of the message.
01:20
The visual component of a message when
you're communicating in person tends to be
over half the message, depending on what you
read about 55%.
01:29
The tone in our voice tends to be, depending
on what you read, about 38% of the
message or easily four times the importance
of the
words that you use.
01:40
So how can we have an effect on our tone?
How can we change the tone of our voice
without people noticing and
thinking, What are you doing?
And how can we affect the way people feel
when we talk to them simply by
using our voice? And remember that people
tend not to remember specifically the words
that you use when you communicate with them.
02:00
They remember how they feel when you
communicate with them, and then they'll
remember a few phrases or keywords here and
there.
02:06
But it's generally going to be the way
people feel when they're with you that they
remember, and your tone affects the way they
feel much more than the words that you're
using. Now I realize one word can make or
break any message, which is why we do things
like keep danger phrase lists and power
phrase lists and learn verbal tactics.
02:23
But let's talk about our tone and what we
can do to improve the message we
send simply by focusing on tone.
02:31
Alright, it's time for an exercise.
02:33
I'd like you to put your finger or two
fingers on the middle of your throat lightly.
02:38
Don't press on your throat.
02:39
Just touch lightly.
02:40
Your throat. And now look down.
02:42
Tilt your chin down in your head down as if
you were staring at your belly button.
02:47
All right, so stare down into your lap.
02:49
And now as you hold that position, pretend
as if I'm saying something that you
profoundly agree with and say, hmm.
02:59
All right, do that. Hmm.
03:02
Do it again. Mm hmm.
03:05
Mm hmm.
03:07
Keep doing that while you say, Hmm, you'll
notice that you should
feel a strong vibration on your fingertips.
03:14
If you don't, you're not agreeing with me
wholeheartedly enough.
03:18
So keep trying.
03:19
Mm. Until you really feel that vibration.
03:23
Mm hmm.
03:25
And now what I'd like you to do.
03:27
This is the difficult part as you hold the.
03:30
Mm hmm.
03:31
That. Mm.
03:32
At the end. Lift your chin up as you do it.
03:35
So do this. Mm hmm.
03:38
And as you say.
03:39
Mm hmm.
03:41
Lift your chin up.
03:43
While you do that, you'll probably notice
that you'll do something like
this. Hmm.
03:50
And for most people, it's difficult to lift
your chin up as you maintain
the hum or the. Hmm.
03:57
But if you can practice doing that.
03:59
Hmm. So that you can maintain the hum the
whole time.
04:03
I mean, as you go around the house, just go
around the house saying.
04:06
Mm hmm.
04:10
And get into the vibe.
04:12
Because when you do that, that final
vibration.
04:15
Hmm. Will be what is considered your power
tone.
04:20
And when you feel that vibe, the same vibe
that you feel when you say.
04:24
Mm hmm.
04:25
When you start to feel that as you speak,
you know that you're in the range that would
be considered your power tone.
04:31
That's going to be the range that simply by
listening to you, even if you're speaking a
language like Chinese or Japanese, that
somebody does not understand,
they will still find whatever you're saying
to be more credible, more believable
based on facts, more professional.
04:48
If you use that tone and if you, for
example, have to go in and make a
presentation and you think, oh, I need to
pull out all the stops.
04:57
I need to do everything that I can possibly
do to convince these people that I know
what I'm talking about.
05:03
Remember how long it takes for us to form a
first impression?
It takes about 30 seconds.
05:08
So if you can focus on that tone, as I'm
doing right now for just 30 seconds, as you
open, then you can speak however you choose
because people will form their impression of
you and stick to it.
05:18
But if you can incorporate that and stick to
it as much as you can during the first 30
seconds, and then use it and use it as a
base tone as you speak,
you will notice that people will find you to
be more credible and professional and
believable. What happens is many times
people will come to me and they'll say, You
know, Dan, I just don't know why people
aren't finding me to be credible.
05:40
I say the same thing that someone else does,
but they believe the other person and not me.
05:45
Remember, if you use a tone that's too high,
or if you use a tone
that's too low. People won't buy the message
as much as they will
if you use what would be considered your
power tone.
05:57
And there are many different courses in ways
that will help you find your power
tone. If you take a course or if you buy
something online or take
another class, you will find that it all
really comes down to.
06:11
Hmm. And if you can find that vibe and focus
on it and practice it,
you will find a change in the way people
respond to you.
06:19
And one word of warning.
06:21
If you change your voice, you change your
tone, you start using a different tone from
the one that you may be using. Now people
will notice.
06:28
For example, Oprah Winfrey, who is someone
that I consider to be one of the most
successful communicators of all time, even
if you don't like her or if you don't watch
her, if you look up successful
communicators, Oprah's right at the top.
06:40
She gets paid more than any communicator has
ever been paid to communicate.
06:44
And when she communicates, she does it in
her power tone.
06:49
And it's interesting, if you look at most
communicators that are on television, for
example, when they start, if they have a
brand new television show, a brand new
interview show, radio show, news show, watch
how their voice changes.
07:01
Within the first year, for example, Oprah
dropped her voice more than more than an
octave because she learned that her audience
found her to be more credible and
relatable if she dropped her voice.
07:12
Many men will find that they will need to
raise their voice to find their
power tone range.
07:19
But when you think, hmm, there's some reason
why I'm
not connecting with my audience or with my
customer or whomever it may
be user power tone, and it helps you connect
with people and they will find you more
credible and professional.
07:34
Let's talk about some more nonverbal
communication strategies.
07:38
What do you do to project more of an image
of somebody who
belongs to be where they are, who deserves
to be where they are, and actually deserves
to be farther along that you are in line for
the next promotion or bonus or big sale,
or you are the person that the customer
wants to work with as opposed to your
competition. How can you project that image?
We've already talked about, for example, the
words we know that we can change our words to
speak the language of a powerful, savvy
communicator.
08:07
We can change our tone so that we sound like
a powerful, savvy
communicator. We haven't talked a whole lot
about how to look like one, so let's talk
about that now. Remember, when you come into
work, we are all in
uniform. When you come into work, what you
wear says something about where you want to
be. It doesn't say a whole lot about where
you are.
08:30
It says where you want to be.
08:32
Remember that when you come into work, if
you are dressed for your current position,
whatever your position is, whether it's
entry level or management, if you can choose
the clothing that you wear when you come
into work, what you're wearing signifies
where you want to be.
08:49
So let's talk about that for a moment,
because many people come into work and they
think, Well, I'm not going to dress like I'm
the CEO of the company.
08:56
I mean, I'm in the call center, so I dress
like it.
08:59
Then what that projects is, I want to stay
here in the future.
09:03
Many times you will see people at work who
come into work and they seem to be
overdressed for their positions.
09:09
You know, they'll come in to work in a suit
and tie when they're in a position where
really nobody sees them except their boss.
09:15
And you will notice that they stand out.
09:17
And sometimes people think that they look
odd or out of place, but they don't think
that for long because that's the person who
is more likely to get a promotion or a
position that moves them out of wherever it
is they are.
09:28
If you've heard the expression, if you ever
watched what not to wear, you've heard this.
09:33
Dress for the position you want, not the
position you have.
09:38
Because when people look at you, they will
mentally decide in a split second, as we've
been discussing, where you really belong,
who you are, based on the visual
cues that you're sending.
09:49
So, for example, if you are dressed as an
entry level, beginning professional,
as dressed or should dress or does dress,
people are going to look at you and think of
you as an entry level beginner professional.
10:02
If you are dressed as an executive CEO or
management dresses, people
will look at you and think of you as that.
10:08
Therefore, if you're planting that message
already, when it comes time to look
for somebody who would most likely fit the
mold of a manager supervisor, they're
going to more likely think of you because
you look like that position.
10:23
And whether that's a good thing or a bad
thing, it's a fact.
10:26
People, including you and me, look at other
people and size them up.
10:31
We judge them.
10:32
We connect them with other people who look
the way they do.
10:35
We decide where people belong, where they're
from, where they're going, and where they are
based on how they look before they even open
their mouths.
10:43
So if you look like the position you want,
you're more likely to get the
position you want.
10:50
So ask yourself when you look at executives
or people in the position that you
want to have someday.
10:56
Ask yourself, What shoes are they wearing?
What pants are they wearing?
What are the visual cues that they send that
are telling me
they're in the position that I want to have?
For example, are they wearing a certain type
of jewelry?
Are they carrying a certain type of
technology?
Is their hair a certain way?
What are the things that you can start to
emulate that will send signals that
you're part of that club as well?
Remember, we are all wearing uniforms every
single day and the uniforms that we
wear from the minute we get up to the minute
we go to bed, tell the world where we
believe we belong.
11:33
So ask yourself, when you look right now,
where are you telling the world you belong
and where would you like to tell the world
you belong?
Are they the same thing?
And if not, make some adjustments so that
you say to the world through your uniform,
This is who I am.
11:48
Because everything that we put on says
something about us.
11:52
I'd like you to take a look at the man in
the picture.
11:54
Now, when you look at him, what do you think
about him?
Go. Do you think he looks approachable?
Do you think he looks professional?
Would you be comfortable sitting down and
talking with him?
Do you think that he's a nice person?
Do you think he's fun?
What do you think about him?
And now I ask yourself why?
Why do you think that about him?
Is it the way he's sitting?
Is it the way he's looking?
Is it the way he's dressed?
Or is it all of those things put together?
We could talk about body language forever,
but you can
tell instinctively by looking at someone who
is sitting, for example, in that position
that they're more than confident, but they
tend to be what we call cocky.
12:35
They tend to think so much of themselves
that they put others off.
12:39
We tend to know by looking at his uniform
that he's wearing, even though most people
wouldn't call it a uniform, that he's
probably in something such as the financial
business, securities business, insurance
business.
12:51
Right. And you probably know by looking at
him that he makes an average
amount of money, about 50 to $60000 a year.
12:58
And the shoes, the briefcase tell you that
when you look at somebody like
that, when you look at anybody, when you ask
yourself, why do I
think what I think about them, you'll start
to notice, well, it's because of that.
13:12
Q It's because of that.
13:13
Q It's because of that signal.
13:15
We are all sending signals, not just through
our uniform or the way we're
dressed, but also through the props we use.
13:23
So before we end this lesson, I would like
to talk about how you can use props to send a
visual message that you belong where you are
and you belong to be where you're going.
13:34
What are communication props?
A prop is something that you can carry with
you and set down and leave someplace.
13:40
It's not something that you would wear, but
a prop is something that you would use to
either send a communication message or
during a communication situation.
13:49
For example, a prop that I might use when
dealing with someone who is called
the crybaby at work, somebody who tends to
use crying as
a strategy to get out of having a difficult
conversation.
14:03
A prop might be a box of tissues.
14:05
For example, if I go in and talk to somebody
who I know is going to try to use crying as a
defense and get out of the conversation,
that may be difficult that we're about to
have. I might bring in a box of tissues, and
as we're speaking, if they start to cry
as a strategy, I might take that box and
give it to them.
14:21
And if I had planned on that in advance,
that's a prop.
14:24
If I'm using a availability monitor,
something that I place around me
to show people, for example, if it's a egg
timer and on the top it's
red, on the bottom it's green.
14:36
And I can flip it back and forth.
14:37
And that would signal I'm available.
14:40
I'm not available.
14:41
That would be a prop.
14:42
But some of the props that we use to deliver
a message are going to be
things like technology pieces.
14:49
Right now, if you carry, for example, a
certain type of phone that says
something to others about where you are and
where you're going, right?
So when you go into a meeting, if you want
to project an image that says, not only do I
belong here, I belong in the position that I
desire.
15:07
And you see why.
15:09
If you notice the type of phone that other
people use and you really want to
send the message that you are part of that
club, you belong there, buy that phone, set
it down. If you notice that people use a
certain type of pen by that pen,
set it down, show it.
15:25
If, for example, during a business meeting,
I'm waiting for somebody to finish a phone
call, or if I'm having more of a personal
conversation, if I show a cell phone,
that's never a good communication strategy.
15:37
If, however, I have paper with me, a
portfolio, a leather binder, and if
I'm waiting, I have a moment.
15:43
I pull that out and take notes.
15:45
Even if the notes simply say, I'm waiting
for them to get off the phone, that's sending
a signal that I'm a professional who's
always prepared to do business, and I send
that signal using a prop and I make sure to
send the right signal by
not taking out something such as a cell
phone during a personal meeting.
16:02
If you pay attention to if you have not yet
done this, the props that people
use to visually send messages that I'm part
of this club, that I'm
paying attention, that I'm not paying
attention.
16:13
For example, talking about cell phones, you
know that many people pull out cell phones,
whether they're conscious of it or not, to
show the person that they're with.
16:21
Hmm. I'm no longer interested in being with
you.
16:24
So look at the props people use consciously
and subconsciously to send
messages about where they belong, who they
associate with, and wherever you
want to be or whatever club you want to fit
into.
16:37
Start using their props.
16:38
And before we wrap up this lecture, I'd like
to leave you with one verbal strategy.
16:43
Since we've been talking so much about
non-verbal strategies, the piggyback,
let's say we have taken advantage of all of
the strategies we've talked about so far.
16:52
We found the right tone.
16:54
We came into the meeting and sat in the
right place.
16:57
We brought the right props.
16:58
We wore the right uniform.
17:00
We are sending all of the nonverbal messages
the right way that we possibly could.
17:05
But the meeting's about to end, and we have
not yet sent a verbal message.
17:10
Nobody's heard us speak.
17:12
Not speaking during a meeting.
17:14
Not contributing to a meeting sends a
message.
17:17
And I don't want to send that message that,
you know, I really don't have anything to
contribute here. So why would you invite me
to the next meeting?
We don't want to send that message.
17:26
So if you get to the end of a meeting, let's
say that you're in a company meeting, a sales
meeting, and you have not yet used your
voice.
17:33
You have not yet said anything that
contributed to that meeting.
17:37
Use this strategy.
17:39
The piggyback is a simple way to ensure that
your voice is heard, even if you
haven't really thought of anything to
contribute or say during this meeting when
the meeting's about to end, remember that
any idea that's presented during a
meeting is going to be connected with
someone who spoke about that idea.
17:57
But let's say that someone else has an idea
and you want to piggyback off of it,
or basically attach yourself to that idea so
that you're seen as someone who
contributes to the meeting, but you don't
want to offend the person whose idea it
was. You know what I mean?
We all know people who steal other people's
ideas.
18:15
We don't want to do that.
18:17
But if I don't have anything to contribute
on my own, I do want my voice to be
heard and I do want to be connected with the
good ideas that I hear.
18:25
So how do we piggyback the right way?
There are two keys that you want to
implement when you piggyback off of somebody
else's idea. Key.
18:34
Number one, use the person's name, the
person whose idea you're piggybacking off
of. For example, if Charlie in your
organization had an
idea, his idea is to invest in
communication, training, and you have
contributed nothing. And you think, I'm
going to piggyback off of that idea?
If you start by saying something such as
this, let's say that your meeting
leader says, All right, we're about to wrap
up.
18:59
Does anyone have anything else they'd like
to say before we leave?
And you were to say. Yes.
19:04
I have something I'd like to say that I
really appreciated Charlie's idea and
how we suggested that we invest more in
communication training.
19:11
I like that idea, and I totally agree.
19:13
If Charlie hears that, he's going to hear
that you said his name at the beginning and
that you were verbally, publicly supporting
his idea.
19:22
He'll be happy, but everybody else will hear
that.
19:25
You spoke about an idea.
19:27
And if you're the last one to speak on that
idea, that idea tends to be more connected
with you than with the person who originally
spoke about it.
19:36
So the two things you want to do when you
piggyback off of someone else's idea, our
number one, use the person's name at the
beginning, they'll be happy.
19:44
And number two, be the last one to speak
about that idea.
19:48
And everyone will connect that idea with
you.
19:51
So if you don't have anything to contribute,
use that strategy.
19:55
And now you'll not only be seen as a player,
you're using the right tools, you're sending
the right cues. But you will also be heard
as someone who contributes to the
organization. And when you can both be seen
and heard as a powerful
contributing player, you will be the next
one to get that promotion or the job that you
are looking to get. So in this lecture, you
learned a lot of nonverbal communication
strategies. You learn how to find your power
tone and use it to project an image of more
power and professionalism, as well as more
strategies that help you visually project
the image of one who belongs where they are
and belongs to be where they want to
go. And finally, we wrapped up talking about
some strategies that you can use, like the
piggyback during meetings, even if you can't
find the words to further reinforce
that you are a player and one who
contributes to your organization.