00:01
In this lecture, you'll learn more about
style stepping, how you can use it to form
more effective teams, how you can use it to
avoid conflict and misunderstanding.
00:09
How you can use it to say things like, Thank
you and I appreciate you in someone else's
specific language and how you can use it to
motivate people using
their language.
00:21
Let's start out by talking about how you
form a team based on somebody's
personality style.
00:28
Normally, when we form teams, if we have not
learned anything about the different working
styles or social styles, we think, Well,
I've got four positions.
00:38
I've got four people A, B, C, D, and many
new managers or
supervisors do not place people in positions
based on their natural strengths and
weaknesses. Many of them do it simply
randomly.
00:50
Don't make that mistake if you choose the
right members for your team, or if you choose
the right person to partner with someone
based on his or her strengths and
weaknesses and the other person's strengths
and weaknesses, you can form exceptional
teams very easily.
01:06
Remember, we talked about the four different
social styles.
01:09
No matter what system you may use at work,
all of the systems are the same.
01:14
There are four basic social styles.
01:16
There's the analytical, the driver, the
amiable and the expressive type.
01:21
Remember that if you choose one style
for a job and you need to partner that
person with someone else who will help them
work more efficiently, they will complement
them.
01:34
First, look at the person who would sit
opposite from them on the social
style scale. For example, if you have an
analytical person that you chose to
do a job, you may want to consider
partnering them with an expressive
because that's their opposite personality
type, just as if you have a driver.
01:53
You may want to partner that driver with an
amiable personality type because that's their
opposite. Now, if this concept is new to
you, you might think, why would I want to
partner people with or opposites all the
time?
And it's because if you are by nature, more
of an analytical type,
you may be really good at details.
02:12
You might be really good at getting all of
the information and making sure that
something is done perfectly.
02:17
But analytical types, by nature, while they
get things done perfectly, they don't tend
to get things done on time.
02:24
For example, they are really good at
finishing things up perfectly, a little bit
late, not so good at getting started.
02:31
That's why you might want to choose an
expressive type, because expressive types, if
they're partnered with an analytical, they
help them get started.
02:39
They just don't necessarily finish things
with detail.
02:44
You may have seen, for example, two people
work together and an expressive type
tends to say, What's the job?
Yep, I'm ready.
02:52
Let's go. Without having really all of the
details or the information that they may
need later on to finish the job, but they
get started.
03:00
They don't worry about those little details.
03:02
Then you have the analytical types who will
say things like, Wait, wait, wait, wait.
03:06
I do not have all of the information that I
need.
03:09
And while they can focus on the details that
the expressive might miss,
they tend to get paralyzed in the getting
started phase because they're always saying,
just a minute, let me gather more
information before I begin.
03:21
And that's just one example.
03:22
Generally, the strengths of one personality
type
are going to be the weaknesses of whatever
type is opposite from them on
whatever personality scale you use.
03:34
So the more familiar you are with the
different types, the more easily you can form
teams that are going to incorporate all of
the different strengths that we either
naturally have or do not have.
03:45
And you will be able to form teams that will
pick up the slack for other team members
rather than simply form a team of people who
all share the same working style, therefore
will always think the same way and get
things done the same way.
03:58
For example, if you have a conflict
resolution team that you're forming and you
chose to form that team with all drivers
because they all said, Oh yeah, I'd
like to head up that team because I'm sick
of the conflicts around here distracting us
from getting the job done.
04:13
So if you said, okay, great, you have four
drivers, they all want to head up the
conflict resolution team.
04:18
So there you go.
04:19
You're going to have four people then that
when a conflict arises, would say things
like, oh, you have a problem.
04:25
Okay, what's your problem?
Yeah, I have a solution for you.
04:29
Get over it. That's your solution.
04:31
That's what drivers tend to do.
04:33
That's why you don't always want to partner
people with others who think
as they think. It's great to partner people
with people who think opposite from how they
think. That's what we tend to do, for
example, when we get married.
04:45
And now I'd like you to listen to the
following positions that you might have to
fill, and I'd like you to think, based on
the four personality types as you know them.
04:55
Which type might you choose for the
following job positions?
You ready? Let's say that you had to choose
somebody to
project profit or loss for some proposed
initiative at work.
05:08
Who do you think would be the natural fit
for a position like that one?
The analytical type, the driver type, the
amiable type or the expressive type?
Which would you choose?
If you said the analytical type, you're
probably right on when
I say probably. That's because of course
there are going to be some expressive types
that would be a better fit.
05:29
There are going to be some amiable types that
would be a better fit.
05:32
However, I'm a tactical communicator and I
go for the odds.
05:36
But in general, I want to take someone's
personality style into account when I'm
choosing the right fit for a job for him or
her.
05:43
Just as people do with us when we are in job
interviews.
05:47
You know how many times you've been asked in
a job interview?
So tell me, what are some of your strengths?
And you'll say, Well, I am very dedicated.
05:55
I'm very detail oriented.
05:57
I'm a people person.
05:58
And then people will say things such as, all
right, can you tell me what some of your
weaknesses may be.
06:04
If in the past you've said things such as a
weakness?
Hmm. I'm a I'm some people say I work too
hard, I'm too dedicated
to my job. I'm just a workaholic.
06:15
People will know that you're making that up.
06:18
Instead, if you are asked a question such as
What are some of your weaknesses
during an interview or during a review, or
someone's considering you for a promotion?
Remember, people who do those interviews are
all going to be familiar with these systems.
06:31
It's something that they use when selecting
the correct candidate.
06:34
And so if they've already asked you which
they will have, what are some of your
strengths when it comes time to talk about
your weaknesses?
Just think back to this personality scale.
06:45
What's the opposite person from you?
And use that as an example of things that
you might want to work on based on your
personality style. For example, if someone
were to say to me, Dan, can you tell me what
some of your strengths are?
I'd say, Sure, I'm a natural, expressive
person, so it's easy for me to come up
with new ideas and creative thinking is
something that comes naturally to me.
07:04
And if they were to say, Great, what some of
your weaknesses?
I would say, Well, because I'm a naturally
expressive personality type.
07:10
As I mentioned before, things such as
details and crossing the T's and dotting the
i's are things that I need to be conscious
of because they aren't natural traits of
mine. And they would think, Hmm, very
honest, makes perfect sense.
07:23
And they'd move right along while you can be
honest and increase the odds that you will
get the position because you'll be talking
about personality types and interviewers love
that because you will be throwing in.
07:35
I invest in my personal and professional
development.
07:37
I know about those personality types you're
talking about right now.
07:41
So there are many reasons why I want to
familiarize myself with these systems, not
just so that I can choose effective teams,
not just so that I
can speak the language of these different
types and relate to them more effectively.
07:55
But I also want to be in the know and when
I'm in an interview or trying to impress
upon somebody that I invest in me and my
professional development,
talking about these systems and using them
in examples is going to do just that.
08:11
However, what if you're leading a new sales
initiative?
Who might you choose for that position?
Think about that. You may have said the
expressive
personality type because they're great with
people.
08:24
They can go out and they will say, Sure,
I'll go sell that for you.
08:27
And they have no fear when it comes to
meeting new people and talking to new people,
which is something you generally have to do
for a sales initiative.
08:34
However, if you look at the characteristics
and the natural
strengths of the driver, the driver is the
one who will say, What's the
goal? Okay, who do I have to be to
accomplish that goal?
All right, I'll be that person and
accomplish that goal.
08:49
So if you are specifically looking for
someone for a sales
initiative, drivers statistically tend to be
the
best sales people of the four when they
choose to enter into a sales position because
it's about goals and competition and drivers
are about goals and competition.
09:09
What about if you are looking for a team
member to head up the welcome wagon?
If you're someone who finds it natural to
welcome people into your organization,
your neighborhood, your school, your home.
09:22
Chances are you're an amiable type and you'd
be perfect for a position like that.
09:27
You would not, however, want to go to a
driver type because driver types
aren't naturally people who like to welcome
others into their organization.
09:36
And if they were, if somebody who wanted to
do that, if they were someone who would say,
Yeah, I would like to volunteer for that
position and welcome people into this
organization, it tends to be because they
have a reason that would make that person
work harder for them. It would help them be
more productive so that they can accomplish
goals. It wouldn't tend to be for the same
reasons that an amiable would
list as to why they would welcome someone
into their organization.
10:01
Amiable is tend to do it because it's the
right thing to do.
10:05
Drivers tend to do it because it will help
them achieve goals.
10:08
You want to keep the motivations in mind.
10:11
Whatever someone's motivation is, there's no
good or bad about it.
10:14
But you want to know what it is because
we're going to be addressing that at the end
of this chapter. And now that we've talked
about how to use the social styles
to more effectively choose the right person
for the job, let's talk a little bit
more about language patterns for the
different social styles we've so far
discussed the four popular social styles
that people tend to reference at work.
10:36
In this chapter, however, I'm going to
reference the Five Languages of
Love. Now, you might be saying to yourself
what we're talking about love in the
workplace, but what we're going to do here
is we're going to talk about the five
languages, not just of love that you can use
in your personal life.
10:55
And you'll see what I mean when we talk
about them.
10:57
But the five languages that we use when we
are expressing love
or the five languages that we recognize as
signals of love coming to
us, those are the same languages that you
use to show appreciation,
respect, to apologize, and to thank people
at work.
11:15
If you are a really savvy communicator and
know how to style step
using the five languages, the five languages
of love, appreciation,
respect, thank you's apologies are these.
11:28
Number one words of affirmation.
11:31
If words of affirmation is your language,
you're going to recognize that
somebody appreciates you, respects you, or
loves you.
11:38
If they do things for you, like tell you
that they appreciate you, they might come up
to you at work and say, You know, I wanted
to take a moment to tell you how much I
appreciated what you did this afternoon.
11:50
And that might be how you would express
love, appreciation and respect as well.
11:54
The second language is acts of service.
11:58
If acts of service is your language, you
would recognize that somebody really
appreciates you.
12:03
If they did something such as washed your car
for you at lunchtime during work.
12:09
And that would be something maybe that you
might do for somebody if you wanted to show
them that you appreciated them.
12:15
The third language is giving and receiving
gifts.
12:18
If this is your language, you would
recognize that someone really values you.
12:22
If they stop by and give you a gift, the
gift doesn't need to be expensive.
12:26
It doesn't even need to be bought.
12:27
But that's also how you would show somebody
thanks or appreciation or
love. You'd give them something.
12:35
The fourth language is quality time.
12:37
You would recognize that somebody
appreciates you if they did things like spent
time with you, even if you didn't say
anything at all.
12:45
And that's how you tend to express
appreciation and love as well.
12:49
And the last language is physical touch.
12:52
If your language is physical touch, you're
going to notice that somebody does not
appreciate you or is not respectful of you.
12:59
If, for example, while you're talking during
a presentation, they get up and leave the
room. And if you ever do that to somebody
who's language is physical touch, they're
going to notice and think that about you.
13:11
All right. That was a brief introduction to
the five different languages of respect.
13:16
Love, thank yous and apologies.
13:18
And this system can potentially have more of
an impact on your life,
both personally and professionally, than any
other system.
13:26
You'll find that it's very practical to use.
13:28
However, it's much more complicated than it
may appear.
13:32
It seems really simple.
13:33
Oh yeah. If somebody's language is quality
time, that's how we'll speak to them.
13:36
When I want to show them respect.
13:38
It's not that easy when it comes time to do
it.
13:40
So in your materials you have a worksheet
that has the five different languages on it
and three blanks next to each language.
13:48
In those blanks you'll see, it says You are
instructed to put an example
of how you might thank somebody, how you
might show appreciation for somebody,
and how you might apologize to somebody
using their language.
14:02
What I'd like you to do is take a few
minutes now, and without taking too much time
quickly go through all of the five languages
and write your
answers. How would you thank somebody?
How would you show appreciation for them?
How would you apologize to them in their
language?
And when you're done, I'd like you to
compare your answers to the answers given in
your materials.
14:25
Did you think of different ways to thank
each one of the five
types in their language?
Did you think of five different ways to show
appreciation?
Did you think of five different ways to
apologize?
The topic of style stepping for the five
different languages is something that we
could talk about for days.
14:45
So what I'm going to do is leave you with
that information and the resources that you
can use to investigate more on that and many
more styles, stepping and
social styles topics.
14:56
And finally, I'd like to wrap up this social
styles style stepping section
talking about one of the most effective
things that you can do when it comes to
motivating or inspiring a team.
15:08
Speak their language.
15:10
It's interesting how many people do not know
how to properly speak benefit
language, benefit languages.
15:17
When you talk to the right hand side of the
brain and stimulate that side of the brain
to care about whatever it is you're talking
about.
15:25
It's not just used, for example, in a sales
situation many of us have
already heard about or maybe learned about
benefit language if you were in a sales
position. However, the savvy communicator
delivers benefit
statements when they're saying no.
15:42
The Savvy Communicator delivers benefit
statements when they're trying to elicit a
change in behavior.
15:48
They deliver benefit statements when they're
trying to impress upon someone that they
should do something or take action based on
whatever it is that they're saying, and they
do it in the other person's language, if at
all possible.
16:01
And here's what I mean by that.
16:03
What social style or personality style are
you?
Are you a director or a amiable type or an
expressive
type or an analytical type by nature?
Which are you? Now, let's say that you're
coming into work and you want to
inspire an employee or a coworker to do
something for you.
16:23
How would you do it in their language if they
were, for example, an
amiable type or a driver type and you're
not?
How would you inspire people to take action
based on their personality type?
Would your language change?
Does it already?
Because most of us come into work and we
will practice the golden rule.
16:44
And you know what the Golden Rule is?
Treat others how how you'd like to be
treated.
16:50
Do not do that. One of the first mistakes
that we need to correct in
most professional communicators as they're
developing, is to learn not to treat
others the way you want to be treated
because others want to be treated the way
they want to be treated. Right.
17:05
We want to learn the way we want to learn,
not the way others want to learn.
17:10
We want to be spoken to in our language.
17:12
So what you're going to do is the savvy
communicator is you're going to focus on
style, stepping in many different
situations.
17:19
What we're going to focus on right now is
benefit language.
17:22
So if I were to say to you, Hey, I want you
to do this for me and
here's what you'll get out of it.
17:29
What's your language?
Are you a driver and amiable and expressive
and analytical?
And before we talk specifically about how to
style step when delivering a
benefit statement, let's clarify what a
benefit statement is.
17:44
Have you bought a car lately?
If you have bought a car, you know that when
you go to purchase a car, a good
salesperson, when they're selling you that
car is not going to focus on the
features that that car has.
17:58
They're going to focus on the benefits of
those features that stimulates right brain
activity. And remember, we make decisions
based on right brain activity,
emotions. Then we back up those decisions
with the left brain facts and figures
to try and justify the decisions that we
made.
18:14
But we make them based on emotion.
18:16
So if you want to inspire somebody to do
something at work, you want to use benefit
language that stimulates the right hand side
of the brain.
18:23
And then you want to style step and do it in
their language.
18:25
And that will be giving like a12 punch when
it comes to inspiring
people and motivating them and persuading
them to do what it is that you would like.
18:35
So think about the last time you purchased
something like a car.
18:39
Chances are the salesperson said to you
things such as this car goes from 0 to 60 in
10 seconds, or this car gets great gas
mileage, or this car has heated
seats, things like that.
18:50
Right. That's how feature language, if you
bought the car
from that salesperson, chances are they
follow it up with benefit language.
19:00
So let's talk about that.
19:02
Benefit language is going to be what the
features do for you.
19:06
Just like when you're speaking benefit
language to an employee or to a coworker,
you're going to be talking about what they
will get out of, whatever it is you're asking
them to do. For example, if you're asking
for a change in behavior, here's what you
will get out of that. Change in behavior is
going to inspire people to make a change in
behavior. Let's go back to the car.
19:26
If you bought a car recently, buying a car,
buying a home or buying
anything from a professional, polished
salesperson can illustrate
clearly the difference between feature and
benefit language.
19:40
Once you see the difference between benefit
and feature language, you can then use that
when you need to talk benefit language at
work.
19:48
For example, if you're buying a car from a
professional salesperson who knows how to
speak benefit language, that then motivates
people to take action, they might talk
about the car has heated seats, they might
talk about the car goes from 0 to
60 in 10 seconds.
20:03
They might talk about how it has a stylish
modern design.
20:06
Those are all features that is going to
stimulate left hand
brain activity.
20:12
We don't make decisions or take action based
on left brain activity.
20:16
So how can I take those features and turn
them into benefits which will
help motivate the person to buy the car?
What is a benefit of having heated seats?
Think, how would you tell somebody?
Well, the benefit of having heated seats is
what if you said something such as,
well, the seats will be warm in the
wintertime.
20:37
That's still feature language.
20:39
If you said, however, well, you'll be warm
in the wintertime more quickly.
20:43
That's benefit language.
20:45
And what about a car going from 0 to 60 in
10 seconds?
What's the benefit of having that?
If you said something such as, well, it goes
really fast.
20:54
That's feature language.
20:56
If you said, however, you can go really
fast, that's benefit language.
21:01
And what about if I were to say, well, the
car is stylish and it has a great, sleek,
modern design. Is that feature or benefit
language that's feature.
21:10
How would you wrap that up in a benefit
statement?
You will look stylish.
21:15
That is the benefit.
21:17
Remember that when we talk about things,
ideas, concepts, that's feature
left brain language.
21:23
When we talk about what that does for you,
when you talk to the other person,
that's benefit language.
21:30
So how can we ensure that we're speaking
benefit language?
I mean, if I need to motivate an employee to
do something, I have to ensure I'm using
benefit language. If I want to deliver a no
like a really savvy, polished
professional, I want to infuse a benefit
statement in there.
21:45
How can I ensure I'm doing it?
Benefit language is very easy to deliver if
you just use these two
simple lead lines.
21:54
Remember these. Repeat these after me.
21:57
You ready? Say this so that you.
22:01
So you can say that again so that you
so you can one more time.
22:08
So that you.
22:10
So you can.
22:13
And remember, the next time you're trying to
motivate somebody to make a change, let's say
that you were to say, John, from now on, you
need to be at your desk by the time that
clock hits 9:00.
22:23
That means you're on time.
22:25
If you're giving someone instruction like
that, the savvy manager knows that
delivering a simple benefit statement, it's
going to increase the odds that the person
will do what it is that the manager is
asking them to do.
22:37
So saying something that ends with so that
you are so you can is
going to increase the odds of that employee
or the coworker or whomever it is will do
what it is that you're asking them to do.
22:47
Now, in that last example of delivering
benefit language, I said, the next time
you're in a meeting for a promotion or a job
review, you'll be more likely to get that
promotion. What language was that?
Was that the language of the driver or the
amiable or the expressive type?
Who is I most likely speaking to if that's
the benefit language I was delivering?
That tends to be the driver type language.
23:12
But let's say that I'm talking to an amiable
if you were talking to an amiable
and you were asking them to come on time
from now on for work.
23:20
What type of benefit language would an
amiable be more likely to respond
to? Because it would not be, Oh, I'm doing
it so that I can be seen as a professional
and get a promotion while there are many
amiable where that would motivate them.
23:33
Statistically, what's most likely to hit the
target if I know I'm dealing with an
amiable. It would be something more along
the lines of your coworkers would
appreciate that your teammates would benefit
from this.
23:46
Amy Abels Want to hear about that?
And analyticals want to hear benefit
statements such as so you can learn, so
you can develop.
23:54
An expressive type is going to want to hear
things such as so you can be noticed, so you
can be seen a driver.
24:01
So you can achieve so you can accomplish the
amiable.
24:05
So you can help.
24:06
So others can benefit.
24:09
When you are a professional communicator who
not only knows how to speak benefit language,
but knows also how to wrap it up in somebody
else's social style
and style step with benefit language, you
will be able to achieve your communication
goal much more frequently than the average
communicator, who neither knows how to
deliver a benefit statement nor style step.
24:32
If you can do both of them, you will be in an
elite class of professional communicators.
24:38
And I'd like to leave you with this thought.
24:40
In this lesson, we talked about many
different ways to shift your language and
speak differently from the way you spoke
yesterday.
24:47
And it can be a lot of work because concepts
like style stepping are things that you can't
just do overnight.
24:54
You have to really think about it, study it,
read it, go through different resources
and make it part of your communication
style.
25:02
It takes a lot of work because as I
mentioned before, if you speak the same way
tomorrow as you spoke yesterday, you will
have the same experience tomorrow as
you had yesterday. If you want to change
your experience that you have with the entire
world, change the words you use.
25:19
And remember that change is not only the
experience that you have with the entire
world. It changes the experience the entire
world has with you.
25:27
So in this lesson we learned how to use
style, stepping to do things such as more
effectively select people for different
positions in a team.
25:35
We learn how to use it when we're
apologizing, thanking somebody or showing
them respect. And we learn how to motivate
people by using not just the proper benefit
statements, but by coupling that with their
language.