00:01
In this lecture, we're going to review what
the nine different Enneagram compulsions
are and how you can speak the language of
each type if you simply
keep things like power phrase lists
available.
00:13
And then of course, doing that helps you
avoid using danger phrases that tend to s
abotage your success with each of the nine
types.
00:22
Let's start out quickly reviewing what the
different types are.
00:27
Remember that using the Enneagram there are
nine compulsions and basically
we all have all nine of those compulsions in
us.
00:34
Every one of us is concerned.
00:36
Am I doing this the right way?
Am I needed? Am I wanted?
Am I successful? We're all concerned with
each one of the nine compulsions.
00:43
Just as we all have each one of the four
different social styles within us.
00:48
So if you are somebody who says, boy, you
know, I just I really
can't pinpoint which one I am.
00:55
I'm a mixture of all of them.
00:56
We all are.
00:58
But we all have a tendency towards one
social style
over the other three and one compulsion over
the other eight.
01:06
What we're going to do now is review the
nine different types and then we'll talk a
bout what to do.
01:13
So let's start back at number one.
01:16
Remember that the number one is the one who
is compelled to be perfect
and their language patterns are going to
reflect that.
01:24
So when you're dealing with a number one,
we're going to be talking about ways that you
can implement danger phrases and power p
hrases with that person so that you don't
mistakenly sabotage your relationship or c
ause a problem simply by using
words that you could avoid.
01:39
The number twos, they're the ones who want
to be needed.
01:43
Number threes are the ones who want to be s
uccessful.
01:46
Number fours are the ones who want to be
special.
01:49
Number fives are the ones who have to have
the information and investigate.
01:54
Number sixes are the ones who want to know
what the rules are so they can follow them.
01:58
Number sevens want to be happy and they want
to be the life of the party and make others
happy. Number eights, they want to be
powerful and they want others to respect
their authority. And then there's the nine.
02:11
They want to be peaceful and they want to
bring that peace to the earth.
02:15
So let's start out talking about power p
hrases and danger phrases, because
remember that the important thing is not to
know what somebody's type is, and it's not
really to know what the system is.
02:27
You might know a lot about the Enneagram,
you might know a lot about the social styles,
but it's about what you do with that
information that makes it important, right?
So while we're talking about different,
difficult people in this module, I didn't
want to leave without going over the nine
types of the Enneagram and what
style stepping means to those nine types.
02:47
Let's assume that you have a number one in
your office.
02:51
You've already taken the test yourself and
you had your coworker or your boss or whoever
that number one is.
02:57
Take the test.
02:58
And now that you know there are number one,
what are you going to do?
What you can do is this make a danger p
hrase list and a power phrase
list, specifically for the number one.
03:10
Now, if you work in a large team and you
know that you have all nine types,
I recommend that you make nine different
danger phrase lists and power phrase lists,
and you put those up on the wall at work.
03:21
And as you communicate with each person, as
each person communicates with one another
you all as a team add to this list.
03:30
So if, for example, I am a number one and
somebody says to me something such
as, Yeah, you can stop there, then I think
that's good enough.
03:38
That wouldn't hit my ears, right, because I
would think.
03:43
Good enough is never enough.
03:45
I need to hear that this is perfect before I
will stop obsessing over it.
03:49
And if I thought that, or if I noticed that
when I said to someone, yeah,
that's pretty good. Because remember,
especially when dealing with these types,
these danger phrases aren't set in stone the
way they are the power phrases.
04:02
Neither are set in stone the way they are.
04:05
You can add to the lists as you find
different things that don't work, as you find
different things that do work, and you can m
odify each phrase to suit your style.
04:14
So if I found that when I say to a number
one, for example.
04:18
That's pretty good.
04:20
Oh, it's almost there.
04:22
And I realize all of those types of phrases
tend to impede their production.
04:27
They tend to make them stuck.
04:30
They tend to then get obsessed with working
and working and working until they can be
validated that their work and sometimes that
means them t
hat they are perfect.
04:41
So therefore, if you keep a list up.
04:43
The number one, you can start it out with the
phrase.
04:46
Good enough and the phrase perfect.
04:49
That's the beginning of your danger phrase
list and power phrase list for the ones.
04:53
The ones can contribute to it and other
people can contribute to it.
04:57
What you'll notice is each list is going to
be unique and each list is going to be
something that will help you specifically n
ot just communicate with that other person,
but understand them.
05:07
Because if you're reading a list, let's say
that you're a two and you read the list of
the three. Chances are you're going to go
through that list and you'll say, w
hy is this on here?
You know, on a threes list?
Why does it say pretty good?
Why is that bad to hear?
Or why is a power phrase something such as
successful or why is it the best?
Why is that on your list? And it's also on
this other person's list, but it's not on
this list. When you can open discussions
like that, people feel more comfortable
because there are visual cues around them
saying, This is important to me and my
organization. People will talk about it and
you'll learn about them and you'll learn
specific language patterns to either add or
remove from your verbal repertoire.
05:49
Like the number two, the twos want to hear
that they are important.
05:54
So tell them that find ways.
05:56
And by the way, you can find ways that are
nonverbal to
tell the people with whom you work that they
are important to you.
06:04
Right. And one of these lessons we talked
about.
06:07
The different languages of appreciation.
06:10
So if you were to, for example tell the
number two that they were important to you,
you could say that verbally.
06:16
We want to add that more to our speech p
atterns when we deal with twos than with any
other number. But let's say that, you know,
I keep telling the two, I want you to know
you're important. I want you to know that
you're an integral part of this team.
06:29
I want you to know that I don't know what
we'd do without you.
06:32
But now you want to show it.
06:34
Let's say that the number two's language was
giving and receiving gifts.
06:38
How might you do it in that language?
How might you tell it, too, that they're
important to you?
If their language was quality time.
06:46
You see.
06:46
All the different ways that we have to style
step.
06:50
All of the different opportunities that we
have to expand our language patterns and
horizons and connect with people on such a
deeper level in the average
person does.
07:00
Why?
Because we know.
07:01
About these systems and we know what tools to
use.
07:04
It's all you need to do and then decide to
implement them.
07:07
For example, with the number two, I would
never want to tell them that
they are not needed.
07:14
For example, on my danger phrase list for
twos I have the word free.
07:18
The reason I put the word free doesn't mean,
for example you're at a discount price.
07:22
You're free today.
07:23
What it means is I don't want you to believe
that in my eyes.
07:28
Yeah, you're free to go, for example, at the
end of the day.
07:32
If a two asks.
07:35
Hey, is it alright if I come back in the
morning.
07:36
I've been working late, but I haven't
finished yet.
07:39
And I know that I need to get this project
done.
07:42
In that case, for example, their mind,
they're thinking, boy, this is really
important. I'm really needed.
07:47
And if I were dismissive to them and said
something like oh yeah, you're free to go and
acted as if you of course you can go.
07:54
If I communicate to a two in my eyes, you're
free.
07:58
You can go. I don't need you here right now.
08:01
That would be something that I would like to
hear.
08:03
I'm a number three. I'd like to hear from my
boss or from my coworkers.
08:06
Oh, yeah. You're free to go.
08:07
It's okay. You can keep your own schedule.
08:09
That's cool. It's not the twos language.
08:11
Keep a list around until things like that
sink in to everybody.
08:15
Number three.
08:17
If you keep a list out, chances are that at
the top of that list, you're going to start o
ut with things such as the best.
08:23
Number one, because threes want to know that
they are the best at what they
do. They don't need to be the best at
everything.
08:30
But I want the threes in my organizations
through acts of service or gifts
or words to know you're the best or you're
going to be the best.
08:39
I can tell that you are going to dominate
your profession.
08:43
I never want to tell a number three.
08:46
You're really good.
08:47
You're pretty.
08:48
Good. Yeah, you're above average because if
you tell that to a three.
08:53
They're not going to be able to sleep at
night, they're not going to be productive and
they will act out to show you, I'm not good.
08:58
I'm the best number fours remember that.
09:02
We want to let them know that they are
unique, but we don't always want to tell
them, Boy, you're unique.
09:07
This is a unique position.
09:09
Perfect for you, you're special.
09:11
There are going to be many different ways
that we will find to tell the four You are
special. You're not like everybody else.
09:18
Once you discover new ways, add them to the
list, and once you discover what
aggravates a four and gets them stuck, add t
hat to the danger phrase list like
common. You know, for example, if I were to
somehow imply t
hat the way a Ford does something, even
though it may be a perfect way to do it and
it's efficient and it's working for me, if I
say, yeah, that's the way people normally do
it, meaning that's common.
09:42
It's average.
09:43
All of a sudden they're going to start doing
things differently.
09:45
That might not work for me because I made
the mistake of using a verbal pattern that
conveyed the message that's common.
09:52
The fives. I want them to know the
information that you gather.
09:56
I need that.
09:58
I need you to share with me what you know,
all of the things that you've been spending
time learning, all of the information you've
been gathering.
10:06
You're right. We need that.
10:08
Keep a list around and you will find
different ways to tell them that what you
don't want to tell a five is.
10:14
Nope, I don't need to know that.
10:16
Nope. That's frivolous. Wow.
10:17
You spent 2 hours on that.
10:19
Well, that was too much time.
10:20
You really. You went overboard.
10:21
You got too much information.
10:23
They don't want to think that.
10:25
Let them know you appreciate what they do
and the time that it takes for them to do it.
10:30
Number six, when you say to a number six,
for example, I appreciate your
help. Oh, thank you so much.
10:36
I don't know what I could do without you.
10:38
You are helpful or this.
10:40
Position would be great for you.
10:41
It's a helping position.
10:43
They like that.
10:44
If I tell a number six, however, yeah, that
that bothers me
or no that that's not good for the team.
10:51
However you do that, however you did that or
this thing that I want you to do, it kind of
shakes things up. It makes people
uncomfortable.
10:58
That's the last thing they want to do.
11:00
That is one of the first things a four might
want to do.
11:03
You know, I have a new position that I think
you'll love.
11:05
It's going to really shake things up around
here.
11:07
Fours would love that.
11:08
Sixes. It would be the opposite of what they
would love.
11:11
But if we always speak our.
11:13
Verbal patterns, we will always be speaking
to our own compulsion.
11:18
Number sevens.
11:20
They're the ones, remember, who want to be
told.
11:23
They want to be acknowledged for the joy
that they bring every place, not the peace,
the joy. They're the life of the party.
11:30
They're the ones everybody likes.
11:32
They're the ones that bring sunshine
wherever they go.
11:35
So if, I want to let them know that they are
one thing in my eyes, I want to
let you know things such.
11:41
As, you know, it's great to.
11:42
Have you around because you're so cheerful.
11:44
It's great to have you around because you
just bring joy and sunshine every place you
go.
11:49
If I want them to feel uncomfortable, if I
want to push them out of my
organization, I'm going to keep telling them
to calm down.
11:56
You know what? We're not here to make
friends.
11:58
You know what? This is not party time.
12:01
This is not a place to come and just have
fun.
12:04
We work here.
12:05
And if those are the types of messages I
send to a seven, in essence, calm
down. I'm going to drive that seven right
out of my organization.
12:14
A number eight, remember, is the one who
wants to hear they are powerful.
12:17
When you're describing something to an
eight, for example, if I have a position that
I want the eight to fill.
12:24
I would use words to describe that position.
12:26
Such as powerful.
12:27
I think you'd really like this position.
12:29
It's a very powerful one.
12:31
You'd be managing lots of people, but I
think someone like you, you could do it.
12:35
They love to hear that.
12:36
If I were to say to them, however, I have a
position that I think would be good for
you. But remember, you're going to have to
ensure that you come on time, that you do it
the way we tell you to do it and you don't g
o off script.
12:49
That would be torture.
12:50
Because an eight doesn't want to be told.
12:52
We're going to tell you how to do something.
12:54
The eight wants to be told.
12:56
You're going to tell others how to do
things.
12:58
The nine, they're the ones that.
13:01
They love, the good vibe.
13:03
They love stability, they love peace.
13:07
I might, for example, if I'm trying to appeal
to a nine, talk about how something is s
table, talk about the similarities.
13:14
Between what they have now and what I'm
offering them in the future.
13:17
For example, I might tell a nine, I think
you're going to like the
new Mac system that's going to be coming in
your new computer.
13:25
Oh, I didn't tell you. You're getting a new
computer.
13:27
Don't worry. You're going to like it.
13:29
It's very similar to the one that you're
using now.
13:31
Just a couple of easy changes that I think
you'll enjoy.
13:34
As opposed to if I thought, okay, they're the
four, I
would tell them something like, Oh, the new
Mac you're getting, you're going to love it.
13:42
It's totally different from what you're
using.
13:44
You'll find lots of new, exciting changes.
13:46
I want to know what's your language?
For example, with the nines.
13:49
I don't want to say things such as, Oh, I'm
not really sure what's in
it. There's some random changes in the
software but you'll figure it
out. They don't want to have chaos or d
isruption or go off course
or off.
14:04
Plan nines want to keep it easy.
14:06
Nines want to know what the rules are and
follow them, not know what the rules are and
break them, such as some of the other types
would do these things are very easy for us to
forget. Very easy.
14:17
And what I'd like to impress upon you in
this lesson is that if you first of
all, learn the different styles, the
different types, different communication t
actics and then take steps to use them and
implement them, you can see
dramatic changes in a very short amount of
time.
14:33
If you simply keep, for example the lists
that we started.
14:36
Today, a danger phrase list and a power p
hrase list for each number.
14:40
By the way, this works great at home because
many times when we're talking to our spouse
or kids, whoever may be at home, there are
challenges that we face over and over and
over and over again.
14:51
And sometimes it's one little piece of
information such as.
14:55
Oh.
14:57
You're an Eight.
14:58
Well, that explains everything.
14:59
Now I know why you do what you do.
15:02
It's those little pieces of information that
help us overcome huge communication
barriers that we've been struggling with our
whole life.
15:09
I hope that the tools that we talked about
today.
15:12
The danger phrase lists, the power phrase
lists, which all really comes down to style
stepping help you overcome your relationship
challenges.
15:19
In this lesson, you learned how to identify
more the different personality types or
compulsions in the Enneagram that drive
human behavior.
15:28
How to speak to those types in their
language, using the help of power phrase and
danger phrase lists, which also help you a
void using the wrong phrases and sabotaging
your communication success.