00:01
In today's lecture, we're going to talk about
the different social styles and learning
styles that you're going to find at work.
00:08
We're going to talk about how to identify
other people's learning style and how to
identify your own, as well as your language
and the language of others.
00:15
And then we're going to talk about what to
do once you have done that.
00:19
I'd like to start out talking about one of
the most popular systems that you probably
seen before, the four social styles.
00:27
Depending on the system that you may have
taken in the past, you may have been
identified or you may have identified other
people as a number or as a letter
or as a color.
00:36
But the bottom line is all of the different
systems out there today are
basically the same.
00:42
And they're all based on a system that was
developed about 50 years ago.
00:46
And if I wanted to use a proprietary system
that is popular today, for
example, some of them are called things like
the DISC or the
Self or the Myers-Briggs you might be
familiar with, or there's the color one.
01:00
There are many different systems out there,
and I could choose to use one of those.
01:04
But the reason people use different systems,
for example, the reason everybody doesn't
all use the same system is because they're
proprietary systems.
01:12
And so you would have to pay to use a system
of one company or another company,
depending on if you'd rather be a color or a
number or an animal.
01:21
But the way they work is all the same.
01:24
They are all based on four social styles,
four quadrants.
01:28
What we're going to do here is use the four
generic terms so that you can become familiar
with them, know how they work, know what to
do, and know how to use the information.
01:38
The four different types that you will find.
01:40
And again, they use many different names
depending on the system that you might be
using are the analytical, the driver, the
expressive
and the amiable.
01:51
So again, depending on the system you may
have become familiar with, you might have
been identified as a driver in the past, or
you might have been identified
as a yellow, as a D, as INJP.
02:04
But they all come down to these four
quadrants.
02:08
Let's talk about what they are and how the
systems are used.
02:13
Of all the four types, the driver is the
least personable.
02:16
And we're going to talk about how the
different types relate to one another in a
moment. The analytical type is the type that
has the most
information. They're the ones that are
generally referred to as something such as
the bookworm or the information gatherer.
02:32
The expressive type is the type that is seen
and heard wherever they go.
02:36
They're the ones who are sometimes referred
to as the peacock or the most outgoing of
all. Then there's the amiable.
02:43
The amiables are the ones who are the most
people.
02:46
People of all the people.
02:48
They are all about people.
02:50
We're going to be talking about how these
different types relate to one another and why
you should know about the different
personality types.
02:58
If you're dealing with, for example, an
analytical type or a driver type,
expressive type or amiable type, why would
you want to know what
type someone else is and how that affects
the team on
all of the different systems that you will
find.
03:15
The four different types relate to one
another in a certain way.
03:19
Why is it important to know what the
different types are and how they relate to
one another? For communication purposes, the
four different types always relate
to one another the same way.
03:29
Again, the systems tend to be the same.
03:31
They just use different names for the four
types.
03:34
You'll also notice that, for example, the
amiable type and the expressive type,
those are both together.
03:40
They're both in the same side.
03:42
And that's because those two types are the
most people pleasing types.
03:46
They care about people the most, the two
types on the opposite side, they care about
people the least.
03:53
And when I talk about the four different
types, I make generalizations and I will
exaggerate. If I'm talking about a driver
type.
04:00
For example, I might say that they are the
most militant of all
type. They are the ones who tend to speak as
if they are in the army.
04:09
And I realize that you might be a driver
type and you don't speak like you're in the
army. But I'm going to generalize and
exaggerate the types to make a point so that
you can more easily recognize them.
04:19
And I want you to know that I realize we are
all a mixture of the different types and
not all types are the same.
04:26
However you want to be able to identify the.
04:30
Overriding characteristics of each type so
that you can more easily and
quickly identify what someone else's type is
and start to speak their language and
how they relate to other types in the
systems.
04:44
Because when you realize how they relate to
one another, you'll be able to form more
effective teams. You'll be able to pause
before you start speaking with one of the
different types and recall.
04:53
What is it about you that I should remember
and speak to while we're communicating?
You'll also notice, for example, while the
analytical and the driver type
are on the same side and they have green
lines between the two of them because they
share a lot of language patterns, they share
a lot of thought patterns, they're going to
understand one another as they work
together.
05:16
You'll notice that on the opposite end of
the scale, with the red line between the two
of them, you'll find the analytical and the
expressive.
05:24
All of these different systems work this way.
05:27
When you map out the types, for example,
you'll see that there's the analytical
driver, expressive and amiable.
05:34
When you map them out and visually look at
them, you will notice that there are going to
be green lines between the types that are on
the top or the types on the
sides, the types on the bottoms.
05:46
Those green lines are going to signify that
those two types work
well together because they understand one
another.
05:54
For example, if you're both on the left hand
side of any scale, if
you're both on the bottom of any scale or
you're both on the top of any of these
scales, you're going to understand many of
the reasons why the
people on that side do what they do, say the
things that they
say, and you will share similar thought and
language patterns.
06:17
However, on these systems you will always
have opposites.
06:21
For example, the amiable is the opposite
from the driver.
06:24
The analytical is the opposite from the
expressive.
06:28
And that's why you will see in this chart,
for example, they have red lines between the
two of them because those two types are
going to think most
differently. You will always think most
differently from the person that appears on
the opposite side of the scale, depending on
what system you use that you
want to know. Because when you're dealing
with that person, you want to be cautious of
not saying or doing something because it's
the way you say or do it.
06:54
We want to start saying things or doing
things in the style that most
closely matches the person with whom we're
working or the person with whom we're
communicating. Now, I know many of you are
saying, well, wait a minute, why should I
change my style to fit that of the person
with whom I'm working?
I'm good at what I do.
07:11
Maybe they should accommodate me and start
speaking my language or change what they do.
07:15
So it's more like the way I do it.
07:18
But remember, the savvy communicator is
going to always take the initiative
and communicate in the manner most, like the
people with
whom they work or with whom they live.
07:30
That's going to facilitate communication,
create more understanding.
07:33
And many times what's going to happen is if
I take the lead
and speak your language, I try to understand
your thought patterns before
I ask you to understand mine.
07:45
And by the way, if you read The Seven Habits
of Highly Effective People, you'll remember
habit number five is seek first to
understand, then to be understood.
07:54
What you'll notice is all of a sudden, when
I try to speak your language rather
than try to get you to speak mine, we work
better together.
08:03
We understand one another.
08:04
Things tend to come easier to both of us.
08:07
That's because when you stop and style step,
you think, What's your
style? I'm going to try to match that and
speak to that.
08:16
All of a sudden it creates more
understanding, which is why you want to know
how the people work together.
08:22
You want to know which side of the scale
would you be on?
How does that relate to the side of the
scale that the people with whom you work
are on? Then when it comes to team building,
you want to take
into account what the different personality
types are.
08:38
We're going to be talking a little more
about this in our next chapter, but when you
form a team, for example, you're all trying
to accomplish the task of creating a new
initiative. For example, let's say that you
have to form a group that's
going to plan and execute your company
parties.
08:56
You might think, Well, I'll just get a bunch
of expressives because they're naturally
party people. They're the ones who are best
at gathering people and thinking of new fun
things that we could do at parties.
09:06
And while that might be true, there are
going to be things that come up.
09:09
For example, they're going to maybe have to
budget, and that's not something
that the expressive types are naturally
skilled at doing.
09:17
So you might want to throw in some
analytical types as well.
09:20
You also might need to set some goals, some
time frames.
09:24
Drivers are best at that, and you might want
to take into account that you have a
diverse work group and not all of the people
are going to be celebrating the same type of
holidays. The amiable would be best at being
sensitive to those issues.
09:38
So while it may seem that there is one
personality type that would be
best for one job, when you can incorporate
all four types,
then you have more of an expansive view.
09:50
You have a more inclusive view and a more
inclusive team that can think of new
thoughts, new ways of doing things as
opposed to just having.
09:58
One type that tends to think the same way
and work the same way all the time.
10:04
Most of us go into work, as you probably
know, and we practice the golden rule.
10:08
And the golden rule is treat others how?
The way you'd like to be treated.
10:14
Don't do that.
10:16
So when you build a team, remember, team
building is one of the top skills that
people look for when hiring a new
professional these days.
10:23
When you're building a team and you can say
that you have a strategy for building a team,
for example. Well, when I build teams, I try
to include all of the different working and
social styles so that we can get a diverse
perspective in problem solving and
customer service and the issues that
generally come up.
10:40
When you can say that, that you know how to
work with the types, how they
work with one another, how they relate to
one another, how to form a complete team
based on social and working styles.
10:51
That is a highly desired skill in the
business community today.
10:55
So you want to become familiar with things
like the four working styles.
10:59
You want to become familiar with many
different programs that help you identify and
speak to and work with the different social
styles.
11:06
We're going to be talking about a couple
more before I give you a chance to discover
what your social style is or that of the
group that you might be working with.
11:15
Now, I'd like to move on to another system
that you can use not just at work, but you
can use this one at home a lot.
11:21
This system is a newer system.
11:23
Remember the other one that we talked about,
the four social styles that's been around
since about the 1950s.
11:29
But this new system that you'll find useful,
both in your personal and professional life,
is called The Five Languages of Love.
11:37
Now it has transformed into the five
languages of appreciation,
respect, love, thank yous, apologies in the
past few
years. But the five languages that we'll be
talking about now is a newer
system, and you will find it, as I
mentioned, very transformational, both
at work and at home.
11:58
The five languages is about the five
different signals that people
recognize when they feel like they are
appreciated, when they feel like they
are loved. The five different ways that we
can apologize to people.
12:11
That we can thank people.
12:14
The New Age that we have moved into is
called the Age of Wisdom or the Age of
Meaning or the right brain directed age,
depending on what resource you might be
getting it from. But according to the top
business resources of today, we are
already out of the information age and we
are into this new age
and in this new age that we are in, the name
of the game is
meaning. Meaning.
12:37
I don't want to simply talk business while
I'm doing business.
12:41
The personal emotional connection, by the
way, is felt when the vagus
nerve, which runs from about right there to
right there, and that's Vegas, like
Las Vegas. When that nerve is activated, we
feel a personal,
emotional connection to whatever it was that
activated that nerve.
12:59
So if you are somebody who can go around
activating other people's vagus
nerve, you will have a distinct advantage
over those who are unfamiliar with the
concept or can't do it.
13:10
So the five languages of love, appreciation,
respect.
13:14
Thank you. As apologies, it helps you do
just that.
13:17
And it might seem as though it's simple and
it is actually very simple to learn.
13:22
However, it's very transformational,
especially because if you're like me, you
have trouble identifying how to activate
somebody's vagus nerve.
13:31
This system very specifically teaches us how
to identify what activates the vagus
nerve in other people and then how to do
that.
13:39
There are five languages that you want to
learn how to speak and
identify. Number one, you want to learn how
to identify and speak the language
of words.
13:50
Now, in this system, when I talk about words
of appreciation, that's going to be people
who recognize that they are appreciated,
that they are
respected, that they are loved when they
hear it or when somebody says
it to them. The way this system works is
there is
a set of signals that your brain recognizes
and tells you,
Hey, hey, hey, this person loves me.
14:16
This person respects me, this person
appreciates me.
14:19
For example, I'd like you to think about how
do you recognize that somebody
really likes you, really gets you, really
appreciates you, really loves you.
14:28
For example, if you come into work and you
did something the day before, you
accomplished a project, you accomplished
some goal, and you think that was really
good. So you come in and you think, I wonder
what my boss is going to do once he
or she realizes that I did that yesterday.
14:44
How am I going to be rewarded?
If you came into work feeling like that, how
would you like to be
rewarded? What would signal to you?
Yep. You get it.
14:54
How hard I worked. You understand?
I'm feeling the love.
14:57
How would you like to be rewarded?
Would you like, for example, your boss to
tell you?
I want you to know how much I appreciate
you.
15:05
What do you want your boss to do something
for you.
15:07
Like you come out after lunch and your car
has been washed.
15:10
Maybe you'd like it if your boss gave you
something like a certificate or a check.
15:16
Maybe you would like simply a little quality
time.
15:19
You'd like your boss to ask you to go out
for lunch and not talk about work.
15:23
Or maybe you'd like a simple pat on the
back.
15:26
A handshake that would do.
15:29
When we recognize what signals other people
prefer
when it comes to being appreciated, being
respected, being loved,
then what'll happen is when it comes time
for me to show you that I
appreciate you, that I respect you, or
whatever it may be, that I maybe I need to
apologize to you.
15:48
Maybe I need to thank you.
15:49
When we recognize that there really are five
distinct languages that people use when they
send signals of love and appreciation and
respect.
15:57
And there are five different signals that
people recognize when they feel
loved, appreciated or respected.
16:04
Then we can start to style step those
languages as well as the four
basic social styles.
16:11
What you'll notice is this Once you're more
conscious of the five styles
and recognize, hmm, it appears as though
your style is
words or your style is acts of service.
16:24
Your style is quality time.
16:26
Once you start to identify other people both
at work and at home and what their language
is, because it's going to be different from
yours in many cases, then you can start
instead of, for example, showing people that
you appreciate them by telling them if that's
your language, if your language is words of
appreciation, you tend to tell people how
much you appreciate them or love them or
respect them.
16:48
If your language is giving and receiving
gifts, you tend to give things to people when
you appreciate things that they've done for
you.
16:55
If your language is acts of service, you
tend to do things for other people when you
want to show them how much you care or
appreciate.
17:03
However, once we become distinctly aware
that, hmm,
I speak one language, but there are five and
other people speak different
languages from mine.
17:14
And you start to speak the language of
others when you want to show them that you
care, that you respect them, that you love
them, and so on.
17:21
You will notice a marked difference in the
way people respond to you.
17:25
For example, let's say that you need to
apologize to a coworker.
17:30
I'd like you to think about the coworker
that you work with the most, that
you respect the most, that you like the
most.
17:38
Something happens.
17:39
You accidentally, for example, erased their
hard drive.
17:42
When they went out to lunch. You thought you
were going to help them go through their
inbox and you accidentally erased their hard
drive and ruined their computer.
17:49
So now your coworker comes back from lunch,
you need to apologize.
17:53
How are you going to do it?
Keeping in mind the different languages, if
you can do that, if you can learn
to not speak the language of empathy or the
language of
personal emotional connection in simply your
language, but you learn how to style,
step and speak all five of the different
languages.
18:12
Again, you will have a distinct advantage
over those who know nothing or don't
implement that system.
18:17
So we'll be talking in the next chapter
about how to identify your type and the types
of the people with whom you work, as well as
a couple of different strategies to style
step those different languages as well.
18:28
But before we move along to finding out what
your language is and what the
language is of those with whom you work, I'd
like to quickly mention there are many
different ways that we communicate, that we
show appreciation and respect and love.
18:43
There are many different social styles,
communication styles and working styles, and
the more you become familiar with what
different systems there are, what systems
best suit you and how to use those at work.
18:56
You'll find that there is an endless,
endless source of systems that can help
you connect more with other people and speak
their language.
19:04
And there are many different reasons why
you'd want to do that.
19:06
Some of the time it's really obvious what
people's language is.
19:10
For example, there's the language of
learning styles.
19:13
You can find out right now what language the
people that you live with or work with
speak when it comes to how they like to give
and receive information.
19:21
If you simply listen to them speak for maybe
an hour, you'll notice that we all have a
different verbal pattern that we tend to
stick to.
19:29
For example, visual people, those who like
to give and receive information by seeing it
and they like to show things they tend to
say when they understand
something. I see what you mean.
19:41
And that is a very common verbal pattern.
19:43
But it is different from auditory people.
19:46
When auditory people understand things, they
tend to say.
19:50
Ah, I hear what you're saying.
19:52
And then we have kinesthetic people.
19:54
Kinesthetic people tend to say when they
understand something.
19:58
Hmm. I get what you're saying.
20:01
And while all three of those patterns are
common and you have probably used every one
of them, we don't tend to use all of them
with the same frequency.
20:10
For example, we tend not to say, Oh, I hear
what you're saying, looks great.
20:13
I get it right.
20:14
We don't we stick to one pattern.
20:17
And if today, for example, with just a couple
hours time, if you listen
to the people that you live with or that you
work with, you will notice that we all have a
distinct pattern. For example, when I at the
end of a seminar, I'll go into my hotel room
and I'll watch television for a while.
20:32
And if you watch people on television like a
talk show host, or if you watch somebody
who is a relationship counselor, a judge,
any type of television show
that has people more or less unscripted and
they're speaking off the cuff
psychologist, for example, that I watch on
television, tend to all say things such
as, boy, you're sliding off the road and
we're trying to pull you back, but I just
don't think you're coming with us.
20:57
What type of language patterns are those?
People will say things such as, I'm trying
to bring you with me.
21:04
You seem to be slipping away, and I'm trying
to pull you back.
21:08
What is that?
Is that auditory language, visual language
or kinesthetic language?
You probably said that's kinesthetic
language.
21:17
If you didn't, it is when people talk about,
I don't feel it.
21:22
I'm trying to bring you with me.
21:24
Are you picking up what I'm putting down?
That is kinesthetic language because it's
talking about movement touching.
21:31
If people say things such as that just does
not sound like an idea that I would like to
go with. It's just not ringing a bell.
21:39
Auditory language.
21:40
If people say That's crystal clear, I see
what you mean.
21:45
Visual language.
21:46
What I'd like you to do today is pay
attention to those with whom you work.
21:50
And if you haven't identified it yet, watch
how quickly you'll be able to identify the
language of others.
21:56
And you'll say, How could I have not noticed
before that you use almost
exclusively visual patterns or that you use
auditory patterns?
But remember, the key is not simply to
identify other people's language.
22:09
The key is to know what to do once you've
done that.
22:13
So we're going to be talking about that in
this lesson.
22:15
But before we move along to the exams, that
will help you determine your style and the
style of those with whom you work.
22:20
I'd like to quickly mention one more thing.
22:23
We have men and women.
22:25
We have right brainers and left brainers.
22:26
We have matchers and mismatchers.
22:28
And we'll be mentioning how to quickly
identify, for example, a matcher and a
mismatched and then speak that language.
22:35
Matches are people who like repetition.
22:37
They like things to be the same.
22:38
Mismatches are people who like change.
22:41
They like to shake things up, men and women.
22:43
It's going to be obvious when you're dealing
with a man or a woman.
22:46
Sometimes it's easier.
22:48
Sometimes it's not so easy to identify
somebody's style or to identify
things that will help you determine how to
speak to them.
22:56
Sometimes it's easy and we'll be talking
about different ways to do that, as well as
what to do in this upcoming chapter.
23:04
Now it's time to take out the quick quizzes
that you'll find in your materials.
23:08
You're going to find a quiz that'll help you
identify what your language is in terms of
the five languages.
23:13
And you're going to find a quiz that will
help you identify your social style, which of
the four you are.
23:19
Take those out, and once you're finished,
resume this lesson and we'll talk about what
to do next. So you should be done with your
quizzes and you should know what type you are
when it comes to the four social styles and
the five love languages.
23:31
But remember, the key is not to simply know
what type you are or even to know what type
other people are. The key is to know what to
do with that information.
23:39
So we're going to be talking in our next
lecture about specifically what to do, how to
more effectively style step change the
language that you speak when communicating
with other people and other styles.
23:49
But before we move along to that, I'd like
to mention what do we do
when other people with whom we work or live
haven't taken a test and aren't telling us,
Hey, I'm a number one or I'm a gorilla, what
do you do?
There are ways to look at the signs that
other people are sending off
and recognize what type they are in your
materials.
24:10
You have a list of different signals that
people send, different signs that
tell you what type they are.
24:17
For example, we tend to and again, as I
mentioned before, I generalize a
lot, but we tend to drive a certain car.
24:25
If we are an analytical type, we tend to
wear certain clothes, if we are an
amiable type. And those are signals that you
can look at that will help you identify other
people if they have not identified
themselves to you.
24:38
For example, analytical people tend to wear
a lot of tan
pants, you know, pants that are khaki pants
or dockers.
24:47
They tend to drive cars that are older but
paid off.
24:51
They tend to have a messy or environment.
24:54
They tend to use long sentences.
24:57
Drivers tend to use a lot of gray, navy and
black.
25:02
They tend to drive Toyotas, Hondas and
Nissans.
25:05
They tend to speak in short sentences.
25:08
Amiable people tend to wear a lot of
clothing with pictures of people on it.
25:13
They tend to wear comfortable shoes.
25:15
They tend to drive cars that look like
people.
25:17
They tend to speak in medium sized sentences
and they tend to reference people a
lot. Expressive people tend to speak in,
again, medium sized
sentences, but they do it loudly.
25:29
They tend to use a lot of variation in their
tone.
25:31
They wear a lot of colors.
25:32
They tend to drive cars that are seen and
heard as they drive down the street.
25:37
Once you can recognize what signs are that
you can use to identify other
people and help you decide, how should I
talk to you based on the signs that you're
giving me? Even on the telephone, for
example, if someone calls you, you can hear
their speech patterns, you can hear their
tone.
25:53
And that helps give you a clue as to their
personality type.
25:56
So you'll find lots of different cards,
flash cards in your materials that can help
you on a day to day basis.
26:03
Practice learning the signs and then knowing
what to do.
26:07
Remember that in our next lecture we're
going to be talking about style stepping and
more specifically, how can I change my words
to match the person with whom I'm
communicating? But style stepping is all
about changing your words to match the other
person. And if you, for example, as a team,
take these different tests and then
put on your name badge, I'm a two or I'm a
yellow, or you put
signs up as you enter into somebody's
office.
26:32
Hey, while you're entering, keep in mind I'm
a gorilla type.
26:35
Or keep in mind my language of appreciation
is acts of service.
26:40
If people wear buttons that say I'm a 1, 2,
3 or 4, if your team
or people that you live with or work with do
that display what type they are.
26:50
Then what you can do is if I'm walking into
somebody's office and I see that they have a
sign up that says I'm a driver type, I would
know.
26:58
The first thing I would say to you might be
something such as, Hey, do you have just a
moment? I need a minute of your time or
should I come back later?
As opposed to if you're an amiable type, I
might say, Hey, John, how was your weekend
before I begin? Now, if I say to a driver
type, Hey, how was your weekend?
That's the wrong way to start.
27:17
If I were to say to an amiable type, Hey, I
just need a moment of your time.
27:21
Do you have it or should I come back later?
That's. The wrong way to start.
27:24
I want to start matching the way I greet
people, the way I leave people, the way I
respect people, the way I show people that
I'm sorry, the way I thank people based
on their type. For example, I'd like you to
think of this in preparation for our next
lecture. Let's say you need to put somebody
on hold.
27:42
It's a customer. You deal with them a lot
and you know, based on their words, their
tone, the things that they talk about, that
they are an analytical type.
27:52
How would you place them on hold?
For example, how would you say you have to
hold now?
I'll be back. How would you say that to
somebody that you have identified as an
analytical type? Let's say they're an
extreme analytical type.
28:05
And how would that be different from the way
you would place an expressive type on
hold? Because if you have identified you're
an expressive type, you're an
analytical type. And if you treat them both
the same way, if you speak to
them the same way, if you put them on hold
the same way, there is a
way that you can more effectively
communicate with them.
28:26
It's called style stepping, and you should
be communicating with the different types in
a different way. How would you, for example,
communicate differently if you were going to
tell somebody? You understand what they're
saying and you have identified them as a
visual type? And how would that differ from
how you would say, I understand what you're
saying if they were an auditory type?
If you're thinking I don't know exactly what
to
do differently, then I will see you in our
next lecture where we will be focusing on
speaking the language of the different
types, or, in other words, style stepping.
29:04
In this lecture, we talked about how the
different systems work.
29:08
We talked about how to identify other
people.
29:10
And we talked about what is changing your
communication style or style stepping so that
you can more effectively speak the language
of others.